Kat with a K

Vampire Diaries Quotes (1.1-1.3)

I'm always trying to look up quotes from TV shows I like and getting annoyed that various sites either don't have what I want or have too many typos or whatever. So! I am going to start recording quotes from various shows, mostly for my own reference. But who knows - maybe they will help someone else out there Googling for quotes. I'm going to try to put the actual quotes behind a cut so they won't take up space on the main page of the site, and I'll update this as I rewatch various episodes.

1.1: Pilot

Stefan: For over a century I have lived in secret, hiding in the shadows, alone in the world. Until now. I am a vampire, and this is my story.

Darren: He sounded like James Blunt.
Brooke: What's wrong with that?
Darren: We already have a James Blunt. One's all we need.

Stefan: I shouldn't have come home. I know the risk. But I have to know her.

Elena: Dear Diary, Today will be different. It has to be. I will smile, and it will be believable. My smile will say "I'm fine. Thank you." Yes. I feel much better. I will no longer be the sad little girl who lost her parents. I will start fresh. Be someone new. That's the only way I'll make it through.

Elena: It's all about the coffee, Aunt Jenna.

Bonnie: But then I started thinking - I predicted Obama. And I predicted Heath Ledger. And I still think Florida will break off and turn into little resort islands.

Elena: Really, I can't be freaked out by cars for the rest of my life.

Bonnie: Look at the shower curtain on Kelly Beech. She looks a hot - can we still say tranny mess?
Elena: No, that's over.
Bonnie: Ugh . . . find a man, coin a phrase. Busy year.

Tyler: Hey, Pete Wentz called. He wants his nail polish back.

Elena: All I see is back.
Bonnie: It's a hot back.

Elena: You haven't seen crazy, Jeremy.

Elena: Dear Diary, I made it through the day. I must have said "I'm fine. Thanks." at least thirty-seven times, and I didn't mean it once. But no one noticed. When someone asks "How are you?" they really don't want an answer.

Elena: Okay. Hi, bird. That's not . . . creepy or anything.

Elena: I'm Elena.
Stefan: I'm Stefan.
Elena: I know. We have History together.
Stefan: And English and French.

Jeremy [to Vicki]: When's the last time you had sex with a puppy?

Caroline: His name is Stefan Salvatore. He lives with his uncle up at the old Salvatore boarding house. He hasn't lived here since he was a kid - military family, so they moved around a lot. He's a Gemini, and his favorite color is blue.
Bonnie, skeptical: You got all of that in one day.
Caroline: Oh, please. I got all of that between third and fourth period. We're planning a June wedding.

Elena: No worries. I get it - blood makes you squeamish.
Stefan: (laughs) Something like that.

Elena: How did you know where I lived?
Stefan: It's a small town. I asked the first person I saw.

Stefan: If I don't write it down, I forget it. Memories are too important.

Elena: Any siblings?
Stefan: None that I talk to.

Mr. Tanner: Mr. Donovan. Would you like to take this opportunity to overcome your embedded jock stereotype?
Matt: It's okay, Mr. Tanner. I'm cool with it.

Mr. Tanner: Salvatore. Any relation to the original settlers here at Mystic Falls?
Stefan: Distant.

Elena: What makes you think that I'm sad?
Stefan: Well, we did meet in a graveyard.

Stefan: You won't be sad forever, Elena.

Vicki: No. Ty. I'm not having sex against a tree.
Tyler: Come on, it would be hot.
Vicki: For who?

Stefan: Damon.
Damon: Hello, brother.

Stefan: Crow's a bit much, don't you think?
Damon: Wait'll you see what I can do with the fog.
Stefan: When'd you get here?
Damon: Well, I couldn't miss your first day of school. . . . You're hair's different. I like it.
Stefan: It's been fifteen years, Damon.
Damon: Thank God. I couldn't take another day of the nineties. That horrible grunge look? Did not suit you. Remember, Stefan, it's important to stay away from fads.

Stefan: Why are you here now?
Damon: I could ask you the same question. However, I'm fairly certain your answer could be summed up all into one little word: Elena.

Damon: Took my breath away, Elena. She's a dead ringer for Katherine. Is it working, Stefan? Being around her. Being in her world. Does it make you feel alive?
Stefan: She's not Katherine.
Damon: Well, let's hope not. We both know how that ended.

Damon: Imagine what her blood tastes like! I can.

Stefan: But wherever you go, people die.
Damon: (shrugs) That's a given.

Damon: I promised you an eternity of misery. So I'm just keeping my word.

Caroline: I'm inappropriate, I always say the wrong thing, and . . . Elena always says the right thing. She doesn't even try, and he just picks her. And she's always the one that everyone picks. For everything. And I try. So hard, and . . . I'm never the one.
Bonnie: It's not a competition, Caroline.
Caroline: Yeah, it is.

Stefan: I know it's late, but, uh, I needed to know that you were okay.
Elena: You know, for months that's all anyone's wondered about me. If I'll be okay.
Stefan: And what do you tell them?
Elena: That I'll be fine.
Stefan: Do you ever mean it?
Elena: Ask me tomorrow. It's warmer in the house. We can talk. Would you like to come in?
Stefan: Yes.

1.2: The Night of the Comet

Stefan: I'm awake. For the first time in a long time, I feel completely and undeniably awake.

Jenna: Hair up or down?
Elena: [Referring to hair up] Sexy stewardess . . . [hair down] Boozy housewife.
Jenna: Up it is!

Caroline: You and Stefan talked all night. There was no sloppy first kiss or touchy-feely of any kind?

Caroline: Okay, it's easy. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Sex.
Elena: Profound.

Damon: You must be Elena. I'm Damon. Stefan's brother.
Elena: He didn't tell me he had a brother.
Damon: Well, Stefan's not one to brag.

Elena: Wow. This is your living room?
Damon: Living room, parlor, Sotheby's auction. It's a little kitschy for my taste.

Damon: I see why my brother's so smitten. It's about time. For a while there, I thought he'd never get over the last one. Nearly destroyed him.
Elena: The last one?
Damon: Yeah. Katherine? His girlfriend? . . . Oh, you two haven't had the awkward exes conversation yet.
Elena: Nope.
Damon: Oops! Well, I'm sure it'll come up now. Or maybe he didn't tell you because he didn't want you to think he was on the rebound. We all know how those relationship end.
Elena: You say it like every relationship is doomed to end.
Damon: I'm a fatalist.

Damon: Great gal. She's got . . . spunk. You, on the other hand, look pooped. Did you overexert yourself today? Let me guess - hospital.
Stefan: Someone had to clean up your mess.

Damon: Remember, if you don't feed properly, none of those little tricks work right!

Damon: We both know the closest you'll ever get to humanity is when you rip it open and feed on it.

Stefan: What game are you playing, Damon?
Damon: Guess you'd just have to wait and see, won't you?

Elena: He's on the rebound, and has raging family issues.
Jenna: Well, at least it's an ex-girlfriend. Wait until you date a guy with mommy issues. Or cheating issues. Or amphetamine issues.

Elena: We never got to the texting part.
Bonnie: That's an important milestone in any relationship.

Zach: What is Damon doing here? Why did he come home?
Stefan: Because I came home. He wants to make my life miserable. It's how he enjoys his.

Zach: Is she worth it? Uncle Stefan. This girl you came back for?

Stefan: I think it's just a ball of snow and ice, trapped on a path it can't escape. And once every 145 years, it gets to come home.

Elena: You seem to spend a lot of time apologizing.
Stefan: I have a lot to apologize for.

Elena: You didn't tell me that you had a brother.
Stefan: We're not close. It's, uh . . . it's complicated.
Elena: Always.

Elena: He told me about your ex . . . Katherine?
Stefan: What did he say?
Elena: That she broke your heart.
Stefan: That was a long time ago.
Elena: When you lose someone it stays with you, always reminding you of how easy it is to get hurt.

Elena: We met, and we talked, and it was epic. But then the sun came up and reality set in.

Vicki: I know you.
Damon: Well, that's unfortunate.

Damon [when Stefan jumps onto the roof]: Not bad! Have you been eating bunnies?

Stefan: That's what this is about? You want to expose me?
Damon: No, I want you to remember who you are.
Stefan: Why? So, what, so I'll feed? So I'll kill? So I'll remember what it's like to be brothers again?

Damon: It's good to be home. I think I might stay a while. This town could use a bit of a wake-up call, don't you think?

Stefan: What are you up to, Damon?
Damon: That's for me to know, and you to - dot dot dot. Give Elena my best.

Caroline: Ugh! So much drama. Ever notice how the druggies are the biggest attention whores?

Caroline, on Bonnie: Yeah, she kind of wigs out? It's like her thing.

Caroline: I was hoping I'd see you again.
Damon: I know.
Caroline: Cocky much?
Damon: Very much.

Stefan: I met a girl. We talked. It was epic. Then sun came up and reality set in. Well, this is reality. Right here.

1.3: Friday Night Bites

Damon: This could have gone a completely different way.

Tyler: Oh look, there's Elena and her new boyfriend. What are they doing? Oh, they're walking. Walking. Walking. Yep, right into the sunset.

Elena: I didn't know you played football.
Stefan: I used to. It was a long time ago.

Elena: To them you're Mysterious Loner Guy. Wouldn't hurt to be part of. Make some friends.
Stefan: Says the girl who spends her alone time writing in a cemetary.
Elena: Hey, come on. There's more to me than just Gloomy Graveyard Girl. There's a whole other Elena that you have yet to meet. She was into everything, very busy.
Stefan: Well, I look forward to meeting her. And when will that be?
Elena: Soon. She's working on it.

Matt: First my girlfriend, now my team?
Tyler: Dude, this is an opportunity. Football's a contact sport. Sometimes people get hurt.

Caroline: I got the other brother. Hope you don't mind.

Damon: Very Emerson, the way you reveal your soul with so many . . . adjectives.

Damon: I've got my own cheerleader now.

Bonnie: I don't want to be a witch. Do you want to be a witch?
Elena: I don't want to be a witch.

Stefan: Salem witches are heroic examples of individualism and nonconformity.

Damon: You don't seem like the cheerleader type, Elena.
Caroline: Oh, that's just 'cause her parents died. Yeah, she's just totally going through a blah phase. She used to be way more fun. And . . . I say that with complete sensitivity.
Damon: I'm sorry, Elena. I know what it's like to lose both your parents. In fact, Stefan and I have watched almost every single person we've cared about die.

Matt: She's my sister, and I love her. But sometimes she can really make you work for it.
Jeremy: I find it pretty easy.

Damon: I like you. You know how to laugh. And you make Stefan smile, which is something I haven't seen in a very long time.

Elena: What was she [Katherine] like?
Damon: She was beautiful. A lot like you in that department. She was also very complicated. And selfish, and at times not very kind, but very sexy and seductive.
Elena: So which one of you dated her first?
Damon: Nicely deduced. Ask Stefan. I'm sure his answer differs from mine.

Damon: I'd quit cheerleading if I were you.
Elena: Why do you say that?
Damon: Oh, I saw you at practice. You looked miserable.
Elena: You saw that?
Damon: Uh-huh.
Elena: I used to love it. It was fun. Things are different this year. Everything that used to matter doesn't anymore.
Damon: So don't let it! Quit. Move on. Problem solved. Ta-da!
Elena: Some things could matter again.
Damon: Maybe. But that seems a little unrealistic to me.

Elena: I'm sorry. About Katherine. You lost her, too.

Caroline: Does it look like I do dishes?

Stefan: They are people, Damon. She's not a puppet. She doesn't exist for your amusement, for you to feed on whenever you want to.
Damon: Sure she does. They all do. They're whatever I want them to be, they're mine for the taking.

Stefan: Now it's time for you to go.
Damon: That's not a problem. Because I've been invited in. And I will come back tomorrow night and the following night and I'll do with your little cheerleader whatever I want to do, because that is what is normal to me.

Stefan: There must be a shred of humanity left inside my brother. Somewhere. I keep hoping. But how do I make him see it? And how do I protect her?

Stefan: What happened? No more cheerleader?
Elena: I quit. I'm a quitter.
Stefan: No, hey, you're not a quitter. You suffered a great loss. You're not the same person. You should be looking ahead. You should be starting over.

Stefan: We're a work in progress. We'll figure it out.

Tyler: Don't look so down. You can have her when I'm done.

Bonnie: When I touched Stefan, it was a feeling. And it vibrated through me and it was cold and -
Elena: What?
Bonnie: It was death. It's what I'd imagine death to be like.

Damon: I'm hiding from Caroline.
Elena: Why is that?
Damon: I needed a break. She talks more than I can listen.
Elena: That could be a sign.
Damon: Well, she's - she's awfully young.
Elena: Not much younger than you are.
Damon: I don't see it going anywhere in the bigger picture. I think she would drive me crazy.
Elena: Caroline does have some really annoying traits but we've been friends since the first grade and that means something to me.
Damon: Duly noted. I - I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable. That's not my intention.
Elena: Yes it is. Otherwise you wouldn't put an alternate meaning behind everything you say.
Damon: You're right. I do have other intentions, but so do you.
Elena: Really.
Damon: Mm-hmm. I see 'em. You want me.
Elena: Excuse me?
Damon: I get to you. You find yourself drawn to me. You think about me even when you don't want to think about me. I bet you've even dreamed about me. And right now . . . you want to kiss me.
Elena: What the hell? I don't know what game you're trying to play with Stefan here, but I don't want to be part of it. And I don't know what happened in the past, but let's get one thing straight - I am not Katherine.

Damon: Isn't that nice. Stefan joins a team, makes a friend. It's all so rah rah go team yeah!

Damon: Guess I could just seduce her the old-fashioned way. Or I could just . . . eat her.

Stefan: Katherine is dead. And you hate me because you loved her, and you torture me because you still do. And that, my brother, that is your humanity.

Damon: If that's my humanity, then what's this?

Damon: Anyone. Any time. Any place.