Kat with a K

Pilot Review: Nikita

Nikita was one of the most-hyped new shows this season, but honestly, I was pretty underwhelmed by the pilot. And thinking back, the fact that the main message of the marketing was "Look how beautiful our cast is!" should have been a sign. And they're right! They're very pretty! And there isn't any one thing I can put my finger on as being wrong with this show. It was just kind of boring. The first half kept me interested, with the explanation of the whole program that really seems like something out of Joss Whedon, but then my attention started drifting. But I'll give it another episode or two to see if it finds its footing and hooks me.

A few things I did like:

1) Lyndsy Fonseca, all grown up!
2) Overall, the parallel plots between Nikita and Alex were nicely done.
3) I like that there are guys in the program - gets rid of some of the Dollhouse-like weirdness.
4) The reveal of the connection and communication between Nikita and Alex was nice.
5) There was a senator! I'll give a second look to shows that involve politicians.

Song of the Day: "For Your Love"

Pilot Review: Terriers

I'll admit that Terriers wasn't a show that really jumped out at me when I read about it, but enough critics were raving that I decided to give it a try. And it was pretty good! The premise: A blue collar ex-cop and his pal do unlicensed PI-type stuff in San Diego. In this first episode, at least, the mystery itself wasn't particularly surprising or compelling, but the tone of the show was what grabbed me. It was very slow, but by the end of the episode I decided that was actually a plus. The relaxed pacing fit perfectly with the somewhat aimless characters, and I liked those characters more than I expected. This is obviously something of a buddy show, but the female supporting characters - a girlfriend, an ex-wife - were a lot stronger and more interesting than they often are in guy shows. There have been a lot of Veronica Mars comparisons being thrown around, but other than the obvious similarity of PIs in San Diego, I really didn't see the similarity. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. Terriers is its own show, and after the pilot, I'm intrigued in spite of myself. I'll be tuning in.

Morning Coffee (9/16/10)

Good morning, and happy Thursday. And that, of course, means that it's Vampire Diaries day! Whee. Anyone else feeling really ready for a weekend? Yeah. Kelly Ayotte won her primary, by the way, so I can stop trying to remember how to pronounce "Ovide" now.

Wait, I was just looking at movie times for tomorrow and saw there are currently two movies out starring Justin Long. That seems a little random. And I haven't even heard of Alpha and Omega. I suppose it's probably less Greek than it sounds. (What I'm actually going to see: Easy A.)

Nancy Grace was just on GMA, and I realized that I always think of Sarah Paulson's impression of her as the real thing, and the real thing as some sort of parody. Huh.

Random GMA question: Their huge wide mugs are really cute, but do they actually drink out of them? On TV? While wearing nice clothes? If I tried to drink out of a mug that wide, I'd had coffee all over myself every morning.

ABC is making a new drama about a fictional vice president. It won't be The West Wing, so we'll all be disappointed, but we can at least pretend enthusiasm for the moment.

Here's some guest star news about The Good Guys.

TV's Hottest Teachers Max Medina! Will Schuester! Ezra Fitz! Alaric Saltzman at #1! I approve. And man, I had managed to totally forget about that Gossip Girl plot. But no Giles???

Here's an interview with Ian Somerhalder in which the interviewer somewhat inexplicably doesn't understand why Somerhalder cares about the oil spill. Huh.

Vampire Legal Issues: "The Return"

Welcome to the second edition of Vampire Legal Issues! Wondering how vamping will affect your ability to take advantage of the Lockwoods' open bar? Read on.

Christine: What a delightful episode! Is it wrong that I now sort of love Katherine’s fraudulent little self? Sort of like I love Scarlett O’Hara, which you might too, if you’d ever read Gone with the Wind? *cough* Also, I CAN’T BELIEVE DAMON DID THAT.

Katie: *ignoring that* This episode had a lot of new invite stuff. I was wondering how things work as far as intention? Tyler invited Katherine in thinking she was Elena, but apparently that doesn’t matter.

Christine: I wondered the same thing. He said “Elena, come in” and clearly did not intend to invite Elena’s Evil Doppelganger into the family manse. The same with Aunt Jenna, in last season’s finale. Does mistaken identity not matter? Why can Invite Magic not suss out the intent of the person doing the inviting? I was thinking vaguely of mortgages, and how you can't use false statements to induce someone to sign a mortgage or other contract, but Katherine was just coming in for Hey-the-Mayor's-Dead! Cocktail Hour, not buying property or otherwise entering into a contract with Tyler. Certainly if Katherine fraudulently induced Tyler to sign a contract by telling him she was Elena, the contract would be voidable. Or void. (It depends on jurisdiction and type of contract.)

Katie: Do written invitations ever work? What if you get an invitation to a birthday party? What if you tack a note to your door that says "Damon, please come in"?

Christine: I would never tack a note inviting Damon in to my door. You never know what the moody little beast will be up to, do you? When Tyler invited Katherine-as-Elena into the Lockwood house, he was standing outside (also, he said “come in,” not “go in,” which means either that vampire law is highly formalistic or that the accident has induced predicate confusion on his part). So clearly you don’t need to be in the house to invite someone in, as long as you have the right to issue an invite. I suppose written notes would work as well, or phone calls.

Katie: I think you're reading too much into "come in" vs. "go in." Tyler is standing outside his house welcoming people, so I think it's natural to say "come in." Also, I'm not convinced that linguistic precision is one of Tyler's strong suits even on his best days. Anything else?

Christine: The other thing I was wondering- Katherine told Snark, in the kitchen, that Jenna had to go talk to the firemen about the fire in the office building. But we know that John is trustee of the estate, because Pearl would have needed his permission to purchase the building. So what does Jenna have to do with it? What is the division of control of property and kids? Is Jenna guardian of the kids, and both Jenna and John are trustees of the estate? I suppose that's possible, though John made it seem like he was the only trustee. And of course the Gilberts' property could have been broken down into more than one separately controlled trust. Inquiring minds want to know, Show.

Katie: Yup, THAT's the mystery that fans are just clamoring to have cleared up, Christine. Hey, are we assuming that Elena's not 18 yet? (I think she's 16, but I'm not positive.) If she were, she'd have to be consulted about the buildings and such, right? Does John have some diabolical plan he's trying to carry out before she comes of age? Anyway, the promos for the next episode suggest that we will see Damon and Stefan at home, and I'm looking forward to it, because their house is pretty. Well, and also because I can use it as an excuse to ask about vampire property ownership and drive Christine back into the arms of her property law textbooks. See you then!

Song of the Day: "Wreck of the Day"

A new song from Glee...

Here's "Empire State of Mind:"

Now, I don't always jump on the "Glee should never rap" bandwagon. I kind of love "Gold Digger." But this? This is . . . pretty bad. A friend said it was "awkward," and she's so right. The kids just can't quite get all the words to come out of their mouths correctly. Sigh.

Morning Coffee (9/15/10)

Happy Wednesday morning! I'm glad I gave up on staying up until the NH Republican Senate primary had a winner, because they're still counting. You can see New Hampshire results at NHPR.org. Annie Kuster beat Katrina Swett, though, so yay. Elsewhere, Christine O'Donnell shockingly beat Mike Castle in Delaware, which means that that seat might stay Democratic after all.

I liked this story about a female sports reporter in a locker room MUCH better when it was a plot on Sports Night. GMA is being completely ridiculous about the whole thing at the moment. Not that I'm surprised. It doesn't matter what a woman is wearing, people! Harrassing her isn't okay! Oh, Cokie Roberts, I expected better from you.

My Boys has been cancelled. Boo.

What TV show represents your home state? Yes, I am more than happy to claim Gilmore Girls.

NYMag's Gossip Girl reality index is back!

Would you like to see a preview for season six of Supernatural that includes shirtless Sam Winchester? Of course you would. Here you go.

Song of the Day: "As Time Goes By"

My Boys 4.9: "My Men"

Season finale time! And this one felt very . . . final, so I think they're at least setting themselves up for the possibility that the show won't come back. And honestly? I'm not that sad. More after the jump.

Mike marries Marcia, Brendan buys Crowley's, Kenny decides to go to London with Steph, PJ decides her friends are more important than her career . . . and I don't care that much about any of it. Sad. I don't know what the issue was, but this season just never grabbed me. The obvious difference was the lack of Andy, but I was never a huge Andy fan, so I don't think that's it. I think I wanted more of PJ and Bobby and less of everyone else. I don't know. Meh. If it comes back, I'll keep watching, but I'm just not that into it anymore.

My Boys 4.8: "Extreme Mike-Over"

The use of the word "extreme" in the title implies that something exciting happens. It doesn't. More after the jump.

This was the second-to-last episode of the season, and it felt very transitional. In the supposed A plot, Mike has to come clean to Marcia about the house he's living in really being Andy's, so he has to clean and redecorate his gross apartment. Really, that's it. In the B plot, college kids start hanging out at Crowley's so the gang acts obnoxious for a while to drive them away. Meh. I think in a sitcom with a longer season, this wouldn't feel so plot-deficient, but for one of nine episodes? I was disappointed.

Morning Coffee (9/14/10)

Happy Tuesday! That means primary day here in New Hampshire and in a few other states. There's not really much for Democrats to vote on where I live, though. The only seriously contested race on my ballot is for county register of deeds (why not registrar? I have no idea), and I've been unable to find anything online about either candidate. My big question: Will I ever consistently remember how to pronounce the "Ovide" in "Ovide Lamontagne"? Probably not.

In TV news, tonight we have the premieres of One Tree Hill, Life Unexpected, and Parenthood, and the season finale of Covert Affairs. Wheee.

I have a work-related luncheon today, but it's from one to 5:30. So what will we be doing besides lunching? I'm so curious. I'll let you know tomorrow.

Are you in New Hampshire and need to know where and when to vote or how to register? WMUR has you covered.

Jezebel writes Shakespearean Ed Westwick fanfic.

Two more must-read Vampire Diaries "The Return" recaps:
Lucia at Heroine TV
Cindy McLennan at Television without Pity

Gossip Girl Season Four Premiere Liveblog!

My cousin Liz is joining me to liveblog tonight. Please feel free to join in and add comments!

Guest Post: A Defense of Vanessa Abrams

In celebration of the premiere tonight, I'm turning the blog over to my cousin Liz, also known as the one Vanessa Abrams fan on the planet. Note: Please do not take this as an endorsement of her ideas. I still hate Vanessa, don't worry.

This post came about after I answered affirmatively to an on-line poll that 'Hey! I like Vanessa!' and the results still showed 0% for that option. "Statistics don't lie," I thought. "I literally am the only one." I mentioned it to Katie, and she invited me to explain. At her request, here are the reasons I really like Vanessa.

She encourages her friends to do what they want to do. Not what she wants them to do, and definitely not what their creepily controlling relatives want them to do - what they want to do, and what's in their best interests.
Along these lines, she's an incredibly loyal friend. Just think of her entire relationship with Nate. For a long time Vanessa was the only person he could really talk to about the situation with his family, even though he'd known Chuck, Serena, and Blair since they were all kids.

She's the only one of the Brooklyn kids who's remained unimpressed by the Upper East Siders' money and status. I think it's pretty fair to say that Dan drank the Kool-Aid, and Jenny's just run completely off the rails. They all started the show as misfit outsiders, but Vanessa's the only one who's held onto her initial skepticism and stayed level-headed.
More specifically, I appreciate Vanessa's skepticism of the UES kids' overly complicated schemes. Nine times out of ten, Vanessa is the one advising Dan, Jenny, Nate, and even occasionally Serena that they should just come clean. Even though, in spite of her protests, she always ends up supporting her friends' machinations - without which, let's be honest, each episode would last approximately seven and a half minutes - I appreciate that somebody tries to be the voice of reason.

She became friends - real friends - with Serena. Jump on into my way-back machine, if you will, to recall the very beginnings of DAN + SERENA 4-EVA <3 <3 <3 ZOMG. Vanessa's BFF, with whom she was completely smitten, started dating a ditzy, leggy blonde Amazon who'd run around acting cutely confused about how often she managed to completely screw things up for other people. At Dan's request, and for the sake of their shared history, Vanessa genuinely befriended that chick. If that's not completely amazing friend love, I don't know what is.

The way she slept with Chuck. I admit, maybe this isn't about my fondness for Vanessa so much as it's about my happiness that a female character on television was shown to have gotten what she wanted out of a one-night stand (wasn't it her, rather than Chuck, who stipulated that they never talk about it again?) and then gotten on with her life, with no lovesick mooning about and no all-encompassing regret.

I'll admit to feeling a little nervous about the coming season. I know Vanessa's not the most popular character, and I hope it won't affect the plotlines the writers come up with. I was super disappointed that she initially wanted to turn down the CNN offer for Haiti in favor of staying with Dan, and I'm still figuring out what to make of this.

Song of the Day: "Come Home"

Polygamy everywhere!

In case you haven't heard, polygamy is in, and the part of me that loves crazy drama AND religious studies is so excited.

Premiering tonight on Lifetime, The 19th Wife:

The book on which it's based is supposed to be good, so I'm looking forward to it. And it stars Matt Czuchry (Gilmore Girls, The Good Wife)! And Chyler Leigh (Grey's Anatomy)! And the annoying lady from Brothers and Sisters, but I'm choosing to focus on the other two!

And honestly? I will totally break my "no reality TV" rule for Sister Wives, starting later this month on TLC:

Morning Coffee (9/13/10)

Happy Monday! It's Gossip Girl premiere day! (It's also 90210 premiere day, if you'd into that sort of thing.) My cousin Liz and I will be liveblogging the premiere at 9:00 p.m. Eastern tonight, so make sure you come by and watch with us!

GMA is taunting me with the Letters to Juliet DVD ads. WANT. Speaking of movies, Easy A and The Town are both opening this weekend. Can't wait.

At least the DVD ads are a nice change from all the political ads. Our primaries here are tomorrow, and I'm fairly ready for them to be over with. I will vote, of course, but there's practically nothing for me to vote on in my particular primary. Oh well. Oh God, apparently Joe Arpaio was in the state yesterday. JUST what we need.

GMA just told me that the Olive Garden deliberately overcooks their pasta. That explains so much.

YA author Sarah Rees Brennan recaps the first two episodes of Vampire Diaries season one. Hilariously.

NPR has a new blog network.

Carina MacKenzie recaps the Vampire Diaries premiere.

Tabloid hack attack on royals.

Here's a little info on Matt Morrison's solo album. I wish he'd do Broadway stuff or standards instead, but I'll take what I can get.

A little more on Ron Moore's new show - it's not just magic, it's a magical police procedural. Hmmm. Were Moore not involved, I'd be reasonably enthusiastic about that idea.

I am so done with this week.

I have some stuff to deal with, and then I'm going away for the weekend, so I think I'm going just sign off until Monday, folks. Have a great weekend. If you want to talk about the epic Vampire Diaries premiere in the meantime, leave a comment and I'll e-mail you. Vampire Legal Issues for the first episode will appear early next week.

Vampire Legal Issues: First in a continuing series

Instead of writing episode recaps like every other blog out there, I decided to take a slightly different slant for my Vampire Diaries posts this season. I'll be examining the TVD world's vampire rules and the various legal issues the show brings up, and I'm even bringing in a legal consultant! My law student friend Christine will be with me each week. So if YOU have lingering Vampire Legal Questions, please let me know in the comments. And now I'll let Christine explain what we're doing:

We talk about The Vampire Diaries. A LOT. And our conversations generally go something like this:
Katie: "FEELINGS!"
Christine: "Whatever. How does that WORK?"
Katie: "What?"
Christine: "I mean, how can they possibly own the boarding house? Look at it! It's missing the central hallway typical of antebellum homes! It must have been built after they died, but how can they have gotten title to it then? There's no dead hand control in property law, Katie."
Katie: "You are SUCH a dork."

And we can't keep such brilliance to ourselves. Besides, we thought that posing some of these terribly important questions would be a unique way to look at the show as it enters season two. (I should point out that yes, many of these issues could be fixed by compulsion, and yes, I realize it's magic. But I can't stop myself wondering.)

For example, here are some of the issues that we wondered about last season:
1) Zach says, early on, that he doesn't own the Salvatore boarding house. It seems that Stefan and Damon do. But HOW? Their name can't be on the deed, because they've been dead for 145 years, and besides, the house was built after they died (or so I assume, from its architecture; I suppose there could have just been some major renovations). Surely some enterprising county record office clerk would notice if the house didn't change hands for that long. So do they have a large number of fake identities they rotate through? Lawyers who forge the necessary documents for them? I'm not just talking deeds to real property- what about identification cards, bank accounts, and the titles to their cute little sports cars?
2) Poor, poor Alaric. Not only did his wife leave him alone and grieving, but she left him in legal limbo. We know that, as far as the North Carolina police are concerned, Isobel's case has gone cold. Has Ric had her declared legally dead? How did he dispose of jointly owned property in NC before moving to Mystic Falls? What if he wants to marry Aunt Jenna? Bigamy is SO not going to fly, Ric. (Except here, obviously.)
3) INVITES. This is my biggest area of fascination - so much so that I even pulled out my first year property law hornbook, much to Katie's amusement. The show's mythology, as we've seen it so far, implies that the invite must be verbal and explicit, and from a person who has a right to reside in the property in question. But:
a) Why can't an invite be implied? This is a form v. function sort of argument; in many areas of law, your intention can override your failure to follow the proper legal procedures to the letter. Why does tilting your head to indicate an invitation, while saying "the kitchen is this way" not constitute an invite?
b) What if the property changes hands while a vampire is inside, and the new owner refuses to issue an invite? Would the vampire have the magical equivalent of a right of occupancy until he left the property?

What's wrong with a Salvatore on each arm?

The lovely folks at Vampire-Diaries.net asked me to write a guest post for them in the lead-up to the season to premiere, and I totally forgot to link to it. So in case anyone is interested and hasn't seen yet, click on over for my argument for why Elena needs both Salvatore brothers.

Pilot Review: Hellcats

They had me at "I don't trust any culture that builds pyramids." More after the jump . . .

I was really quite skeptical about Hellcats. But it's on the CW, and I have learned to just watch whatever new shows they put out, because otherwise I will be sucked in and decide I want to catch up 100 episodes later and it will take me forever. (Hello, Supernatural and One Tree Hill!) It's generally safer to give them the benefit of the doubt. In this case, I'm glad I did, as I spent much of the episode grinning, and already can't wait for next week. Hellcats isn't going to be the next great drama or anything, but the pilot was a solid hour of ridiculously fun escapism.

The premise: This is one of those shows where the premise is slightly ridiculous, so it's best to just accept it and move on. Marti (Aly Michalka of AJ and Aly) is a serious, sarcastic, vaguely rebellious college student who takes up cheerleading because her academic scholarship was cut. She used to be a gymnast, so at least it makes sense that she's good. And the team needs her, because the athletics director (played by a very yummy Aaron Douglas) is threatening to cut the program if they don't place at Nationals. How Glee! That similarity annoyed me slightly, but it's a useful device for explaining why Marti is given any chance at all. She is thrown into the simulanteously uber-peppy and super-competitive cheerleading world, and there's the expected culture clash, bonding, and learning from each other.

I actually wasn't all that wild about Marti - I'm hoping I like her better in future episodes - but I LOVED the head cheerleader, Savannah (Ashley Tisdale). They start out as adversaries and end up as roommates, of course, but I was very glad that the show didn't go the easy route of making them hate each other. They're very different, but some affection and loyalty is springing up already. Savannah plays by the rules, and her world is shaken when these rules are disrupted. Her line that completely won me over? "Well, if we're going to improvise, shouldn't we make some kind of plan?" It was obvious at that point that we were kindred souls.

The supporting characters are fine, so far. Marti has a rather Dawson-like best friend, and a somewhat annoying mother, and then there are all the other cheerleaders, coaches, etc. They all clearly have a convoluted back story that I'm looking forward to learning about in future episodes. The music is fun, and so are the cheerleading routines, of course. I'm a sucker for anything set on a campus. And the ending, with a montage of famous cheerleaders (Ruth Bader Ginsburg!) leading into the new team walking into a competition together - set to a song with the lyrics "We are not what you think we are" - gave me goosebumps. Yup. The CW has hooked me again.

Two other quotes I liked well enough to write down:
"Democracy's a bitch." "Apparently so are you."
"Do you invent your own catty metaphors or is there like a book?"

The Gates 1.8: "Dog Eat Dog"

I'm finally giving up on this show, so this my last recap for it.

Nick finally finds out about the werewolves, and more, after the jump.

Vampires vs. werewolves: I love how on this show their big conflicts are sparked by things like sprinkler timers. Hee. And I love the vampire disdain for how uncivilized the wolves are. It turned out that instead of some big vampire vs. werewolf feud, or even internal werewolf political issues, the attack Nick was investigating was a teenage boy defending himself against his abusive father. Interesting. I liked how Nick took the werewolf thing in stride, and really listening to representatives of the vampire and werewolf communities before deciding how to deal with things.

Dylan and Nick: At the beginning of the episode, we saw the bromance was continuing, but they weren't together enough in this one for my taste.

Claire and Christian: We got some interesting background here - apparently Christian hesitated to turn Claire, so Dylan did it. Interesting. I'm a little unclear on how the bonding works. Christian drinking from Claire broke her bond with Dylan, somehow. And hey, Christian better not actually be dead. I like him.

Sarah: SERIOUSLY, why does she seem convinced that cliques are unique to The Gates? That said, it should be interesting to see how much can happen - and how involved her husband can get - before she finds out about the supernatural stuff all around her.

Devon: What is she UP to? Hmm.

Andie: Brett seems better now than he did in the first few episodes, but I feel bad for Charlie. Are there any other succubi in the Gates? With the whole communities of wolves and vamps, it seems weird that it's just her.

Song of the Day: "Cosmic Love"

In honor of tonight's premiere of The Vampire Diaries, here's yet another great song they used in the first season . . .

Rubicon 1.7: "The Truth Will Out"

Note: I really thought I published this on Tuesday, but apparently not! That's what I get for being all on top of things!

Everyone gets polygraphed, but no one has any idea what's going on. Still. More after the jump . . .

After the previouslies, Will sleeps . . . no, he's not even sleeping. He's staring into space, and then staring at the places where he found the various bugs in his apartment. He heads into work - is it the middle of the night? - and begins to examine that owl figurine. Yup, he finds a bug in there too. Credits!

Katherine sits on the floor of one of her beautiful homes, and now it's her turn to look distressed while she's surrounded by papers and notes. At least she has a glass of wine. She hears weird noises and whispering and is utterly freaked out and . . . locks herself in a closet, so we don't find out what's actually going on. The police come but aren't convinced that anyone was there, and won't follow a report because there's nothing missing.

Grant walks down the street and is yelling on his cell phone about how his job is important. Who's he talking to? Girlfriend? Wife? Someone named Lisa, anyway. He heads in to work and is immediately ambushed by Miles, who is looking for "856." That seems to be a classified file. Tanya comes in looking hungover or something. Will gives them a five-minute warning. Do they not have a schedule time for their meetings? Hmm. Miles is dumping out his briefcase and looking all over for the file, and it seems pretty obvious that the translator from last week took it, no?

Team Meeting! Grant starts updating Will on what they found out about the wedding guests. Miles comes in late, clearly distressed, and tries to interrupt but Grant won't let him. As they meet, the FBI comes in and puts the building on lockdown. Part of that is "all work must cease," which seems a little odd. Maggie comes in and retrives Will for Spangler, but the FBI won't let anyone else leave the conference room.

Spangler tells Will and the other team leaders and various other people that the FBI thinks there's a leak, but he doesn't believe it. He then tells them all not to be distracted from their Very Important Work. And not to make him look bad. For some reason, we get a close-up on his paperweight, which says "Happy Holidays 2007."

Will and Kale are in an elevator and Will tells Kale about the bug in his office. Kale reasonably tells him that today is not the day for his extracurricular activities. Oh, apparently the paperweight was from Atlas McDowell, and that's why we were supposed to notice it. Will: "Who are WE working for?" Kale gets off the elevator without answering.

The team is still in the conference room, being supervised by an FBI agent. Another comes in and takes all their papers. They're not allowed to use any phones or computers or communicate with anyone for any reason, even about their kids' school plays.

Polygraphs for all! Kale is annoyed by the whole thing. Meanwhile, the team continues to snap at each other, then start discussing who's behind the leak. Tanya: "Iran? That would not be awesome." Hah. Then Miles snaps and says "anyone" is scarier than an actual country, because random guys with bombs are more dangerous than actual governments. Tanya jokes that Miles is the leak. Stop it, Tanya! Maggie is called in for a polygraph and looks concerned.

Kale continues to be delightfully snarky to the polygrapher. I love him. "Are there analysts you manage here who are capable of running a covert operation?" "No." We cut to Will. Harsh! Will is in with the team, where Grant is still going on about how his wife is going to kill him for missing the play, and Miles looks extremely nervous and distressed. Tanya thinks they can figure out what the wedding guest was up to without documents, but the rest are skeptical. Then she and Grant get called in.

Tanya's polygraph is making it look like she's lying about everything, including her name. Grant still wants to call his wife. He seems to be doing okay on the polygraph, though, until he's asked if he's ever cheated on his wife. He is upset by this question. He says he hasn't, but it claims he's lying. The polygrapher seems to think this means he will cheat in the future. Heh.

Back to Tanya! She claims that she's just nervous because of the situation. The polygraph says she's lying about everything, except whether she's used illegal drugs, as she says yes to that. "Have you ever removed a whitepaper from the building?" "No." Polygraph says otherwise. Commercial!

Miles and Will are still in the conference room. Miles thinks he might be the leak! He took a classified file home and . . . left it in a cab? Will and I are both skeptical. It's the German intelligence file on Beck. Will tells him to stop talking in there. Miles thinks "they" can't bug restricted areas. Oh, Miles, so naive.

An FBI guy is sweeping for bugs, and then lets Will back into his office. Ooh, his turn for a polygraph. The polygrapher starts talking about David, but then won't answer Will's questions. Will gets a question about friends and seems surprised at the implication that he has any.

Tanya joins Grant in the cafeteria, makes a Boyz II Men joke, then says "Sorry, I forgot you're old. Cat Stevens?" Hee. She then accuses Grant of being the leak, and I can't tell whether she's serious. He goes to try to make a call, again.

Back to Katherine! Guess what she's doing? Wandering around her house! She starts examining something on a fireplace, and . . . is it a bug? Hm. I can't tell, and she just looks off into space, so she's no help. Cut to Katherine standing outside a different house. Or maybe the same house? I don't know. Anyway, she stares at it and then gets in her car and drives off.

Time for Spangler's polygraph! "If I'm your leak, this country implodes. Crumbles. In its entirety. From the inside out." Modest! He refuses to take the polygraph. They have a staring contest and he gives in really quickly.

Will goes back to that darn owl and takes it apart again. The bug is gone. An FBI guy comes and tells him he can't be in there. He literally collides with Spangler in the hallway. "Wish me luck, Will." Will heads upstairs and lets himself into an office. Spangler's. Man, these FBI guys aren't very good babysitters. Will examines the paperweight and then starts looking at files on Spangler's desk.

Time for Spangler's polygraph. He looks bored. Oh, back to Will going through Spangler's office. And then to Miles's polygraph. He says he's shaky because he needs a cigarette, so the polygrapher tells him to smoke because she won't get clean results if he's in nicotine withdrawal. Shockingly, he continues to be distressed as he smokes.

The polygrapher brings Spangler a cup of something. Water? Kale walks down a hallway. Will goes through Spangler's files and finds a picture of himself and David at a ball game. Back to Miles - he's getting the routine questions and then starts blurting all about the file he took from API. Not the most stable guy, Miles.

Spangler is done with his test. Boo. I was hoping we'd see some of it. Will keeps going through files and takes a CD out of one as Spangler, in the hallway, asks an FBI agent how much longer the whole thing will take. Kale finds Will in Spangler's office and is Not Amused, even when Will claims to have found something. Kale: "You're going to go back to that cafeteria, and you're going to PRETEND that you're not the stupidest son of a bitch in this place. Or I'm going to open a window and throw you out of it." I LOVE HIM. Will starts to leave, then hesitates. "Who do we work for?" "We work for the United States government." "How do you know?" They stare at each other. Will leaves.

Miles is being yelled at. He might get a week's suspension. That's all? He and I are both confused. "I'm . . . not the leak?" "You're not the leak we're looking for." Heh.

Back to the cafeteria. Tanya is babbling and Grant is ignoring her. "Grant, whatever happened to you in there, snap out of it." Heh. Will comes in and Maggie asks if he's okay. He thinks about it and then says yes, and asks about her. She's a little scared. "You have nothing to worry about." "Everyone has secrets, Will." He walks off, so I guess that was our Maggie/Will scene for the episode. Miles joins them at the table and Tanya immediately asks him his opinion of the wedding guest. "Nice to see you." "I'm glad they didn't hang you. Now help us." Heh. Miles FINALLY brings up that mystery third person from the picture. Ooh, the translator from last time is there! They have a cute little moment but I still don't trust her. The FBI comes in and handcuffs a "Mr. Porter" who we really don't care about at all anyway.

The team leaders are back in Spangler's office. He's giving out cigars. Obviously the correct reaction! He tells a guy named Jerry to take two, and then fires him. Huh. Apparently Jerry's employee was the leak, and team leaders get fired if someone on their team leaks. Spangler cuts off in mid-sentence and looks at a file on his desk. Is it one of the ones Will was messing with? Unclear. Spangler syas they've made it through "relatively unscathed" and sends them home for the day.

Tanya, Grant, and Miles are still in the cafeteria working. Dedicated! They decide that the mystery third person was actually this (female) wedding guest, not a guy. They are proud of themselves.

Will is taking apart the freaking owl yet again. The bug is back! He looks extremely alarmed and confused, but that's basically how he always looks. The music is rather dire and more electronic than usual. At home, Will listens to the CD he took. (And watches that neighbor again, through the window. Wait, is she Miles's translator? I'm not sure.) It's a conversation between . . . David and Ed, I think, about Spangler running an unsanctioned op using the crossword code. David tells Ed to tell Will to leave it alone. David says someone is following him. "Oh God . . . there's someone . . ." Cut to black.

Next week: Will confronts David about the tapes. Maggie: "I should never have agreed to work for you." Will: "I want to know what it all means." So say we all.

Morning Coffee (9/9/10)

Good morning, and welcome to Thursday! More importantly, welcome to Vampire Diaries premiere day! If you've somehow missed the news, the season two premiere will be airing on the CW at 8 Eastern tonight, and I'm hearing that it's COMPLETELY AWESOME.

Here's some TVD reading for you:
A good, non-spoilery review
Katherine, or Why Bad Girls Are Awesome
A hilarious recap of the first season

Now back to our regularly scheduled links:

Google's new search may be killing SEO. Yes PLEASE.

I was actually something of a Frasier fan, but this sounds like the worst idea ever.

TBS and TNT picked up some pilots. A Dallas remake? Really?

My Ten Favorite Returning Shows

This top ten was much easier to decide! Also, the letter G is making a surprisingly strong showing:

Bones
Castle
Fringe
Glee
The Good Guys
The Good Wife
Gossip Girl
Parenthood
Supernatural
The Vampire Diaries

Ten, er, Twelve New Shows to Check Out

Here are the new shows I'm most optimistic about, based on previews, published reviews, tweets from critics, and conversations with people who have seen screeners. I was going to do a top ten list, but I realized there are seven shows I'm actually excited about, and five others that look promising, so! The first tier:

Blue Bloods
Boardwalk Empire
The Event
Hawaii Five-0
Nikita
Undercovers
The Walking Dead

Hellcats
Lone Star
My Generation
Outlaw
Terriers

Song of the Day: "Uncomfortably Numb/You Belong With Me"

My 5 Favorite New Summer Shows

In alphabetical order:

The Bridge
The Good Guys
Haven
Pretty Little Liars
Rubicon

How do the Bones folks get back together?

I have a post at TheTelevixen about this very question.

Morning Coffee (9/8/10)

Happy Wednesday, and welcome to the fall TV season! Hellcats, America's Next Top Model, and Terriers start tonight, and I'll have reviews of two of those for you tomorrow or Friday. In honor of this momentous occasion (ha!), it's going to be a list sort of day around here. First I'll round up my five favorite new summer shows, now that the seasons are winding down. Then this afternoon I'll give you the top ten returning shows I'm most excited about and ten new shows I'm looking forward to checking out.

In the world of real news: Daley is retiring! Will Rahm run for mayor? We'll see! I'm trying to ignore all the September 11 anniversay/Koran burning nonsense because it just makes me crazy. Also, Texas is very wet. Stay safe, everyone in hurricane-prone locations!

And on a personal note, my computer is headed in for surgery again - and it's staying a few days for observation this time - so posting may be somewhat erratic. Please think happy motherboard thoughts.

If you like pretty boys, check out Vampire Diaries.net where there are, and I quote, "more white tank tops on [the] front page right now than a high school gym class."

Why America Is Addicted to Olive Garden

F*** Yeah The Good Guys

The Times takes on Shatner.

Holding Wal-Mart Accountable

I'm not wild about Google's Schmidt's vision of the future of search.

Promos for The Vampire Diaries

A few people have asked to see all the available promos for the Vampire Diaries premiere. Here's what I've found. The premiere is Thursday at 8 Eastern!

My Boys 4.7: "Puss 'N' Glutes"

I have to say, I'm still pretty lukewarm about this season. More after the jump . . .

I don't know. This episode was fine, and it is what it is, but nothing particularly interesting or surprising happened and I don't have much to say about it. Brendan's dating adventures are always fun, and Mike was somehow less annoying than usual in this episode focusing on him. It will be interesting to see if Marcia sticks around and what happens when she realizes he's been lying about where he lives. The Bobby/Kenny workout plot was fine, but I like to see more Bobby/PJ interaction than we got here.

Next week is the season finale - two episodes, I think - and I hope they do something to tie together this somewhat meandering season. Will it also be the series finale? We shall see . . .

Best line of the episode: Brendan on vampires: "Ugh, I've dated like three of those."

No Morning Coffee (9/7/10)

You know that cliche about setting your alarm clock for p.m. instead of a.m. and waking up hours late? Yeah. Morning Coffee will return tomorrow.

Fall TV Handbook: Fridays at 10

The shows: Blue Bloods, Outlaw

What I'm doing: DVRing both, at least for a few episodes.

*Blue Bloods, CBS, Fridays at 10, 9/24
Stars and how you know them: Tom Selleck (Magnum P.I.), Donnie Wahlberg (New Kids on the Block), Bridget Moynahan (I, Robot), Will Estes (American Dreams)
What it is: A drama about a family of cops in New York
The buzz: Critics who have seen the pilot are saying it's really good.
You might like this if you like: Cop shows, family dramas

*Outlaw, NBC, Fridays at 10, 9/17
Stars and how you know them: Jimmy Smits (West Wing)
What it is: A rogue Supreme Court justice retires to go back to practicing law
The buzz: It's sounding like Smits is great, as usual, but the show as a whole is pretty mediocre.
You might like this if you like: Law dramas, maybe The West Wing

Fall TV Handbook: Fridays at 9

The shows: Body of Proof, CSI: NY, The Good Guys, Supernatural

What I'm doing: DVRing The Good Guys and Supernatural. Trying Body of Proof online.

*Body of Proof, ABC, Fridays at 9, possibly 9/24?
Stars and how you know them: Dana Delaney (Desperate Housewives)
What it is: A medical examiner solves crimes.
The buzz: Everyone loves Dana Delaney, but there's not all that much enthusiasm for this.
You might like this if you like: Procedurals, Bones, Women's Murder Club

CSI: NY, CBS, Fridays at 9, 9/24
Stars and how you know them: Gary Sinise, Melina Kanakaredes (Providence)
What it is: CSI. In New York.
The buzz: Another old reliable.
You might like this if you like: Procedurals

Good Guys, The, FOX, Fridays at 9, 9/24
Stars and how you know them: Bradley Whitford (West Wing), Colin Hanks (Roswell), Diana Maria Riva (West Wing, Sabrina), Jenny Wade (Reaper)
What it is: An action-comedy about mismatched detectives in Dallas.
The buzz: This is hilarious. You should give it a try, really.
You might like this if you like: Cop shows, funny things, Burn Notice (from the same producers)

Supernatural, CW, Fridays at 9, 9/24
Stars and how you know them: Jensen Ackles (Smallville), Jared Padalecki (Gilmore Girls)
What it is: Hot, hot brothers hunting demons while wearing lots of layers.
The buzz: This is a niche show, but it's really good.
You might like this if you like: supernatural stuff, Buffy

Fall TV Handbook: Fridays at 8

The shows: Human Target, Medium, School Pride, Secret Millionaire, Smallville

What I'm doing: Nothing! How delightful.

Human Target, FOX, Fridays at 8, 10/1
Stars and how you know them: Mark Valley (Boston Legal), Chi McBride (Pushing Daisies), Jackie Earle Haley (Watchmen)
What it is: An action show about a bodyguard-for-hire.
The buzz: There really isn't much. This didn't do that well when it premiered last year.
You might like this if you like: Action shows, comic books

Medium, CBS, Fridays at 8, 9/24
Stars and how you know them: Patricia Arquette
What it is: A medium solves crimes.
The buzz: This show is still on? I guess people don't talk about it much.
You might like this if you like: Supernatural mysteries

*School Pride, NBC, Fridays at 8, possibly 9/24
Stars and how you know them: N/A
What it is: Like Extreme Makeover Home Edition but for schools.
The buzz: Haven't really heard much.
You might like this if you like: Feel-good reality shows

Secret Millionaire, ABC, Fridays at 8, no date yet
Stars and how you know them: N/A
What it is: Rich people go "undercover" and help people.
The buzz: I had forgotten this existed.
You might like this if you like: Apparently this is the hour for feel-good reality shows.

Smallville, CW, Fridays at 8, 9/24
Stars and how you know them: Tom Welling
What it is: Clark Kent, before he was Superman
The buzz: Ten seasons in, I think the audience for this is pretty set in stone.
You might like this if you like: Superhero stuff

Fall TV Handbook: Thursdays at 10

The shows: The Apprentice, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, The League, The Mentalist, Private Practice

What I'm doing: DVRing The Mentalist and Private Practice.

Apprentice, The, NBC, Thursdays at 10, 9/16
Stars and how you know them: Donald Trump
What it is: Contestants compete to be Trump's apprentice.
The buzz: There really isn't much.
You might like this if you like: Reality competitions

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, FX, Thursdays at 10, 9/16
Stars and how you know them: Charlie Day, Kaitlin Olson, Glenn Howerton, Rob McElhenney
What it is: Friends running a bar
The buzz: Critics seem to be pretty enthusiastic about this.
You might like this if you like: My brother and all the guys I work with love this, so I'm going to say you'll like this if you're a guy between 20 and 40.

League, The, FX, Thursdays at 10:30, 9/16
Stars and how you know them: Don't think there are any big names here.
What it is: A comedy about a fantasy football league
The buzz: Critics seem to like this a lot more than general audiences do.
You might like this if you like: Fantasy football? My brother likes it, for the record.

Mentalist, The, CBS, Thursdays at 10, 9/23
Stars and how you know them: Simon Baker (The Guardian), Robin Tunney (Prison Break)
What it is: A fake psychic works with the police to solve murders.
The buzz: I haven't really heard much about the new season, now that I think about it. But I love this show.
You might like this if you like: Procedurals, Bones, Castle

Private Practice, ABC, Thursdays at 10, 9/23
Stars and how you know them: Kate Walsh (Grey's Anatomy), Taye Diggs (Day Break), Tim Daly (Wings), Amy Brenneman (Judging Amy), Audra McDonald (Broadway), Paul Adelstein (Prison Break), KaDee Strickland
What it is: A Grey's Anatomy spinoff about a group of doctors in California.
The buzz: This show was a disaster last season, and has never been great. There's really no reason to watch if you're not already attached to the characters.
You might like this if you like: Grey's Anatomy

Fall TV Handbook: Thursdays at 9

The shows: Burn Notice, CSI, Fringe, Grey's Anatomy, Nikita, The Office, Outsourced

What I'm doing: DVRing Fringe and Nikita, then when Burn Notice starts up again I'll DVR that and watch one of the others online, unless I've given up on Nikita. Watching Grey's online.

Burn Notice, USA, Thursdays at 9, 11/11
Stars and how you know them: Jeffrey Donovan (Crossing Jordan), Gabrielle Anwar (The Tudors), Bruce Campbell
What it is: A former spy tries to support himself and help others while figuring out why he was burned.
The buzz: This is pretty reliable fun.
You might like this if you like: Spy stuff, other USA shows.

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, CBS, Thursdays at 9, 9/23
Stars and how you know them: At this point, I think you know them all from this.
What it is: The title is pretty self-explanatory.
The buzz: People certainly like this, but it doesn't get that much buzz anymore, really.
You might like this if you like: Procedurals

Fringe, FOX, Thursdays at 9, 9/23
Stars and how you know them: Joshua Jackson (Dawson's Creek), John Noble, Anna Torv
What it is: An FBI agent works with a possibly-crazy scientist and his son to research unexplained phenomena.
The buzz: It's a niche show, but the people who love it really love it. Plus - PACEY!
You might like this if you like: Sci fi shows, X-Files, Supernatural

Grey's Anatomy, ABC, Thursdays at 9, 9/23
Stars and how you know them: By now, you know them from this.
What it is: A drama about surgeons.
The buzz: After a few so-so seasons, Grey's got everyone's attention again with an amazing season finale. We'll see if they can keep the momentum going.
You might like this if you like: Medical dramas

*Nikita, CW, Thursdays at 9, 9/9
Stars and how you know them: Maggie Q, Lyndsy Fonseca (How I Met Your Mother), Shane West (ER), Melinda Clarke (The O.C.)
What it is: A professional assassin tries to get revenge on the group that forced her into the life.
The buzz: Those who have seen the pilot are saying it's pretty good.
You might like this if you like: Action shows, maybe Dollhouse?

Office, The, NBC, Thursdays at 9, 9/23
Stars and how you know them: Steve Carell, Rainn Wilson, John Krasinski, Jenna Fischer
What it is: Sitcom about an office. You know what it is.
The buzz: Everyone seems agreed that it's past its peak.
You might like this if you like: Discomfort humor

*Outsourced, NBC, Thursdays at 9:30, 9/23
Stars and how you know them: Ben Rappaport
What it is: A sitcom about an American who goes to run a call center in India.
The buzz: I'm hearing this is not funny, and full of stereotypes.
You might like this if you like: Uh, racism? You probably just shouldn't tell me if you like this.

Fall TV Handbook: Thursdays at 8

This is the hour that is giving TV fans nightmares. Why, networks, why?

The shows: $#*! My Dad Says, 30 Rock, The Big Bang Theory, Bones, Community, My Generation, The Vampire Diaries

What I'm doing: DVRing Bones and The Vampire Diaries. Watching Community online. I'll try My Generation online, too. I'd watch Big Bang Theory if CBS would put it online, but they don't.

*$#*! My Dad Says, CBS, Thursdays at 8:30, 9/23
Stars and how you know them: William Shatner (Star Trek)
What it is: A sitcom based on the "shit my dad says" Twitter feed.
The buzz: Everyone unanimously says this is completely awful.
You might like this if you like: Shatner, I guess?

30 Rock, NBC, Thursdays at 8:30, 9/23
Stars and how you know them: Tina Fey (SNL), Tracy Morgan (SNL), Alec Baldwin (all sorts of stuff), Jane Krakowski (Ally McBeal)
What it is: Sitcom set behind the scenes at a sketch comedy show
The buzz: This is one of those perpetual favorites.
You might like this if you like: SNL

Big Bang Theory, The, CBS, Thursdays at 8, 9/23
Stars and how you know them: Jim Parsons (Judging Amy), Johnny Galecki (Roseanne), Kaley Cuoco (Charmed)
What it is: A woman moves in next door to brilliant, awkward geeks.
The buzz: People loooove this, and Parsons just won an Emmy.
You might like this if you like: Sitcoms, geeky stuff

Bones, FOX, Thursdays at 8, 9/23
Stars and how you know them: David Boreanaz (Buffy, Angel), Emily Deschanel
What it is: An FBI agent and a forensic anthropologist solve murders.
The buzz: Last season was a little controversial, and the "will they or won't they?" pressure is building.
You might like this if you like: Castle, The Mentalist, procedurals

Community, NBC, Thursdays at 8, 9/23
Stars and how you know them: Joel McHale (The Soup), Gillian Jacobs, Danny Pudi, Allison Brie, Chevy Chase, Yvette Nicole Brown, Donald Glover
What it is: Sitcom about demographically diverse students at a community college
The buzz: Everyone adores this show.
You might like this if you like: Other NBC Thursday sitcoms

*My Generation, ABC, Thursdays at 8, 9/23
Stars and how you know them: There's a huge cast, but the only name I recognized was Mehcad Brooks (The Deep End).
What it is: A mockumentary drama following members of the class of 2000 ten years later.
The buzz: A lot of critics love this, and the rest completely hate it.
You might like this if you like: Dramas about twentysomethings. Grey's Anatomy, maybe?

Vampire Diaries, The, CW, Thursdays at 8, 9/9
Stars and how you know them: Nina Dobrev (Degrassi), Ian Somerhalder (Lost), Paul Wesley (Everwood, American Dreams)
What it is: A high school girl's life is disrupted when two vampire brothers come to town. I promise it's better than it sounds.
The buzz: The first season was amazing, the finale was the best finale I've ever seen, and the premiere is getting raves from critics.
You might like this if you like: Teen dramas, vampires, Buffy, Supernatural

Fall TV Handbook: Wednesdays at 10

The shows: The Defenders, Law & Order: Los Angeles, Psych, Terriers, The Whole Truth

What I'm doing: DVRing Psych. Trying . . . gosh, trying all the others, I guess. Let's hope I don't like them all.

*Defenders, The, CBS, Wednesdays at 10, 9/22
Stars and how you know them: Jerry O'Connell (Sliders), Jim Belushi (According to Jim)
What it is: Defense attorneys in Las Vegas
The buzz: O'Connell and Belushi are supposed to be good, but the show itself is sounding meh.
You might like this if you like: Las Vegas, lawyer shows

*Law & Order: Los Angeles, NBC, Wednesdays at 10, 9/29
Stars and how you know them: Skeet Ulrich (Jericho), Corey Stoll, Wanda De Jesus, Alfred Molina, Teri Polo (West Wing)
What it is: Law and Order. In Los Angeles.
The buzz: It's, you know, Law and Order. In Los Angeles.
You might like this if you like: Law and Order.

Psych, USA, Wednesdays at 10, 11/10
Stars and how you know them: James Roday (Miss Match), Dule Hill (West Wing)
What it is: A fake psychic and his friend run a detective agency and help the police.
The buzz: This is consistently funny, and also has real heart.
You might like this if you like: Other USA shows, funny procedurals.

*Terriers, FX, Wednesdays at 10, 9/8
Stars and how you know them: Donal Logue (Grounded for Life), Michael Raymond-James (True Blood)
What it is: An ex-cop and his friends start an unlicensed private investigation business.
The buzz: Critics are loving this.
You might like this if you like: Other FX shows? Justified, maybe?

*Whole Truth, The, ABC, Wednesdays at 10, 9/22
Stars and how you know them: Maura Tierney (ER), Rob Morrow (Northern Exposure, Numb3rs)
What it is: A legal show giving equal attention to the prosecution and defense.
The buzz: Tierney is a recent addition, replacing the original lead, so there aren't many real opinions yet. But buzz is generally positive.
You might like this if you like: Legal shows

Fall TV Handbook: Wednesdays at 9

The shows: Cougar Town, Criminal Minds, Hell's Kitchen, Hellcats, Law & Order: SVU, Modern Family

What I'm doing: DVRing Hellcats and Modern Family

Cougar Town, ABC, Wednesdays at 9:30, 9/22
Stars and how you know them: Courteney Cox (Friends), Josh Hopkins (Pepper Dennis, Brothers & Sisters, Private Practice)
What it is: Sitcom about a recently-divorced woman
The buzz: The buzz seems to be "Better than it sounds! Really!"
You might like this if you like: Friends, maybe? That would be the obvious.

Criminal Minds, CBS, Wednesdays at 9, 9/22
Stars and how you know them: Shemar Moore (The Young and the Restless), Matthew Gray Gubler, Thomas Gibson (Dharma & Greg)
What it is: Profilers catch criminals.
The buzz: Last season was supposed to be not very good, and I think they fired some popular actresses. I don't know.
You might like this if you like: Procedurals

Hell's Kitchen, FOX, Wednesdays at 9, 9/22
Stars and how you know them: Gordon Ramsey
What it is: Chefs go through a variety of challenges
The buzz: No one really talks about this much. I'm sure it has its fans.
You might like this if you like: Cooking, reality competitions, Top Chef

*Hellcats, CW, Wednesdays at 9, 9/8
Stars and how you know them: Alyson Michalka (Phil of the Future), Ashley Tisdale (High School Musical), Matt Barr (Harper's Island), Aaron Douglas (Battlestar Galactica)
What it is: A pre-law student becomes a cheerleader to get a scholarship.
The buzz: It's a silly CW show. You'll probably either love it or hate it.
You might like this if you like: College shows, dance movies

Law & Order: SVU, NBC, Wednesdays at 9, 9/22
Stars and how you know them: Christopher Meloni (Oz), Mariska Hargitay (Prince Street)
What it is: NYPD detectives investigate sexual crimes.
The buzz: Lots of people love this. You probably know about it already.
You might like this if you like: Procedurals, Law and Order shows

Modern Family, ABC, Wednesdays at 9, 9/22
Stars and how you know them: Ed O'Neill (Married with Children), Sofia Vergara, Julie Bowen (Boston Legal), Ty Burrell (Back to You), Jesse Tyler Ferguson (The Class), Eric Stonestreet
What it is: A sitcom about a big complicated non-traditional extended family
The buzz: This just won a bunch of Emmys, and everyone in the universe loves it, it seems.
You might like this if you like: Satirical humor, family shows

Fall TV Handbook: Wednesdays at 8

The shows: America's Next Top Model, Better With You, Lie to Me, The Middle, Survivor: Nicaragua, Undercovers

What I'm doing: DVRing Undercovers. DVRing Lie to Me if I can catch up, since it doesn't come back until November. Maybe trying an episode or two of Better With You.

America's Next Top Model, CW, Wednesdays at 8, 9/8
Stars and how you know them: Tyra Banks
What it is: Girls compete to become models.
The buzz: This has become one of those reality standards that keep going and going.
You might like this if you like: Reality competitions, melodrama

*Better With You, ABC, Wednesdays at 8:30, 9/22
Stars and how you know them: Josh Cooke (Committed), Jennifer Finnigan (Committed, Close to Home), Joanna Garcia (Reba), Jake Lacy, Debra Jo Rupp (That 70s Show)
What it is: A sitcom about sisters at different stages in their relationships.
The buzz: Decidedly lukewarm.
You might like this if you like: Relationship sitcoms

Lie to Me, FOX, Wednesdays at 8, 11/10
Stars and how you know them: Tim Roth (lots of movies), Kelli Williams (The Practice), Brendan Hines (The Middleman), Monica Raymund
What it is: A group of experts helps solve crimes by being able to tell when people are lying through various psychology methods.
The buzz: Everyone seems to really like this.
You might like this if you like: Offbeat procedurals, House

Middle, The, ABC, Wednesday at 8, 9/22
Stars and how you know them: Patricia Heaton (Everybody Loves Raymond), Neil Flynn (Scrubs)
What it is: A sitcom about a family in Indiana.
The buzz: My response to seeing this on the ABC schedule was "That show is still on?" So really, no one talks about it much.
You might like this if you like: Family sitcoms, Malcolm in the Middle

Survivor: Nicaragua, CBS, Wednesdays at 8, 9/15
Stars and how you know them: Jeff Probst
What it is: It's Survivor. You know what it is.
The buzz: I think this season is supposed to be old vs. young or something.
You might like this if you like: I'm sure you already know whether you're interested in this.

*Undercovers, NBC, Wednesdays at 8, 9/22
Stars and how you know them: Gugu Mbatha-Raw (Doctor Who), Boris Kodjoe (Soul Food)
What it is: Retired married spies-turned-caterers get back into the game.
The buzz: People who have seen the pilot virtually all say it's one of the best shows of the new season.
You might like this if you like: Spy stuff, Mr. and Mrs. Smith

Fall TV Handbook: Tuesdays at 10

The shows: Detroit 1-8-7, The Good Wife, Parenthood, Sons of Anarchy

What I'm doing: DVRing The Good Wife and Parenthood - hey, it's Sports Night alumni hour! I'll try an episode of Detroit 1-8-7 if they put it online.

*Detroit 1-8-7, ABC, Tuesdays at 10, 9/21
Stars and how you know them: D.J. Cotrona (Windfall), Erin Cummings (Spartacus), Aisha Hinds (True Blood), Michael Imperioli (Life on Mars)
What it is: A gritty cop show set in Detroit
The buzz: The original pilot was in a mockumentary style, and has been redone, so . . . we'll see.
You might like this if you like: Cop shows, Southland

Good Wife, The, CBS, Tuesdays at 10, 9/28
Stars and how you know them: Julianna Margulies (ER), Matt Czuchry (Gilmore Girls), Josh Charles (Sports Night), Archie Panjabi, Christine Baranski (Cybill), Chris Noth (Sex and the City)
What it is: After her politician husband is embroiled in scandal and imprisoned, a woman tries to put her life back together and goes to work at an old flame's law firm. Drama and love triangles ensue!
The buzz: This was one of the best new shows last season, and it's way better than it sounds from my little blurb there. Watch it!
You might like this if you like: Legal dramas, relationship dramas

Parenthood, NBC, Tuesdays at 10, 9/14
Stars and how you know them: Lauren Graham (Gilmore Girls), Peter Krause (Sports Night, Six Feet Under), Dax Shepard (When in Rome), Monica Potter (Boston Legal)
What it is: A close-knit extended family has various issues and dramas.
The buzz: I haven't heard much about the new season, but everyone, including me, loved the first season.
You might like this if you like: Brothers and Sisters, Gilmore Girls

Sons of Anarchy, FX, Tuesdays at 10, 9/7
Stars and how you know them: Charlie Hunnam (Undeclared), Mark Boone Jr., Tommy Flanagan, Maggie Siff (Mad Men), Ron Perlman (everything ever), Kim Coates, Katey Sagal (Futurama)
What it is: A guy tries to balance family life and his motorcycle gang.
The buzz: Everyone seems to love this. (I've never seen it.)
You might like this if you like: Dramas? Motorcycles? I'm honestly not sure.

Fall TV Handbook: Tuesdays at 9

The shows: Dancing with the Stars, Life Unexpected, NCIS: Los Angeles, Raising Hope, Running Wilde

What I'm doing: DVRing Life Unexpected. DVRing Running Wilde for an episode or two to see if it's worth it.

Dancing with the Stars, ABC, Mondays at 8, Tuesdays at 9, 9/20
Stars and how you know them: Bristol Palin, The Situation (Jersey Shore), Jennifer Grey (Dirty Dancing)
What it is: "Celebrities" in a ballroom dancing competition.
The buzz: Bristol Palin. The Situation. Enough said.
You might like this if you like: Dancing? Celebrity trainwrecks?

Life Unexpected, CW, Tuesdays at 9, 9/14
Stars and how you know them: Brittany Robertson (Swingtown), Shiri Appleby (Roswell), Kristoffer Polaha (North Shore, Valentine), Kerr Smith (Dawson's Creek)
What it is: A teenager who grew up in foster care finds her birth parents.
The buzz: Last year, this ended up being better than people expected, and I'm hearing good things about the new season.
You might like this if you like: Quirky family dramas, Gilmore Girls

NCIS: Los Angeles, CBS, Tuesdays at 9, 9/21
Stars and how you know them: Chris O'Donnell (Fried Green Tomatoes, Circle of Friends), LL Cool J (In the House)
What it is: Another NCIS show.
The buzz: I haven't really heard many good things about this one.
You might like this if you like: Procedurals, NCIS

*Raising Hope, FOX, Tuesdays at 9, 9/21
Stars and how you know them: Lucas Neff, Martha Plimpton (movies, guest-starring everywhere), Cloris Leachman (Mary Tyler Moore), Garret Dillahunt (Deadwood)
What it is: A twentysomething slacker and his dysfunctional family try to raise a baby.
The buzz: This is sounding pretty awful.
You might like this if you like: Family sitcoms, I guess?

*Running Wilde, FOX, Tuesdays at 9:30, 9/21
Stars and how you know them: Will Arnett (Arrested Development), Keri Russell (Felicity)
What it is: A rich bad boy tries to reform when he falls for his childhood friend turned environmental activist.
The buzz: Critics want to like this because of the stars, but it's not sounding that great.
You might like this if you like: Mismatched relationship sitcoms

Fall TV Handbook: Tuesdays at 8

The shows: The Biggest Loser, Glee, NCIS, No Ordinary Family, One Tree Hill

What I'm doing: DVRing Glee and actually watching it. DVRing One Tree Hill because I have the crazy idea that I might someday watch the previous 5000 seasons. I'll try No Ordinary Family online.

Biggest Loser, The, NBC, Tuesdays at 8, 9/21
Stars and how you know them: Jillian Michaels, Alison Sweeney (Days of Our Lives)
What it is: A reality show weight loss competition
The buzz: It is what it is. You like it or you don't.
You might like this if you like: Reality shows on which people overcome obstacles, I guess?

Glee, FOX, Tuesdays at 8, 9/21
Stars and how you know them: Matthew Morrison (Broadway), Lea Michele (Broadway), Jane Lynch (Party Down, Julie and Julia), a bunch of new stars you know from this show
What it is: Musical dramedy about a high school glee club
The buzz: The show got off to a great start, and then had a difficult second half of its first season. So we'll see if and how they manage to recover in the second season.
You might like this if you like: High school shows, musicals

NCIS, CBS, Tuesdays at 8, 9/21
Stars and how you know them: Mark Harmon (Chicago Hope, St. Elsewhere), Michael Weatherly (Dark Angel), Pauley Perrette, David McCallum (The Replacements)
What it is: A procedural about the Naval Criminal Investigative Service
The buzz: I think this one just kind of keeps going. It certainly has lots of fans.
You might like this if you like: Procedurals

*No Ordinary Family, ABC, Tuesdays at 8, 9/28
Stars and how you know them: Julie Benz (Buffy, Angel, Dexter), Michael Chiklis (The Shield)
What it is: A regular family is in an accident and gets superpowers.
The buzz: People aren't wildly enthusiastic, but it's sounding good.
You might like this if you like: The Incredibles, Heroes

One Tree Hill, CW, Tuesdays at 8, 9/14
Stars and how you know them: James Lafferty, Bethany Joy Galeotti (Guiding Light), Sophia Bush (Nip/Tuck), Austin Nichols (John from Cincinnati)
What it is: A bunch of high schoolers - who must be in college by now, no? - in North Carolina have lots of drama.
The buzz: This show has its fans, and everyone else says "That's still on?"
You might like this if you like: Teen dramas, Dawson's Creek, The O.C.

Fall TV Handbook: Mondays at 10

The shows: The Big C, Castle, Chase, Hawaii Five-0, Men of a Certain Age, Weeds

What I'm doing: DVRing Castle and Hawaii Five-0. If the network puts Chase online, I'll try an episode, but I'm not hopeful.

*Big C, The, Showtime, Mondays at 10:30, 8/16
Stars and how you know them: Laura Linney (John Adams, Love Actually), Oliver Platt (West Wing, lots of movies), Reid Scott (My Boys, Secret Life)
What it is: A woman deals with a cancer diagnosis.
The buzz: Everyone seems to LOVE thing, and Linney and Platt are always great. I'd watch this if I had Showtime.
You might like this if you like: Weeds, maybe?

Castle, ABC, Mondays at 10, 9/20
Stars and how you know them: Nathan Fillion (Firefly, Serenity, Dr. Horrible), Stana Katic (Quantum of Solace)
What it is: A charming, famous playboy mystery novelist helps the police solve murders.
The buzz: This show grew into a hit in its second season, and I'm hearing good things about the third. Can't wait!
You might like this if you like: Bones, The Mentalist

*Chase, NBC, Mondays at 10, 9/20
Stars and how you know them: Kelli Giddish (Past Life, All My Children), Cole Hauser (K-Ville), Jesse Metcalfe (Desperate Housewives), Amaury Nolasco (Prison Break), Rose Rollins (The L Word)
What it is: A team of marshals tracks down fugitives.
The buzz: It's, uh, sounding pretty bad.
You might like this if you like: I suppose In Plain Sight is the obvious choice, but . . .

*Hawaii Five-0, CBS, Mondays at 10, 9/20
Stars and how you know them: Scott Caan (Entourage), Daniel Dae Kim (Lost), Grace Park (Battlestar Galactica), Alex O'Loughlin (Moonlight, Three Rivers)
What it is: A remake, obviously. Detectives in Hawaii!
The buzz: People who have seen the pilot are saying it's actually quite good. Produced and written by the people who did the new Star Trek movie, btw.
You might like this if you like: Procedurals in exotic settings, bromances, the sci fi shows that all the stars and writers are known for.

Men of a Certain Age, TNT, Mondays at 10, 11/29
Stars and how you know them: Ray Romano (Everybody Loves Raymond), Scott Bakula (Enterprise, Quantum Leap), Andre Braugher (Gideon's Crossing)
What it is: Former college buddies are now middle-aged friends.
The buzz: This has a following, but I haven't heard all that much about it.
You might like this if you like: Everybody Loves Raymond, maybe? I'm not sure.

Weeds, Showtime, Mondays at 10, 8/16
Stars and how you know them: Mary-Louise Parker (West Wing, Angels in America), Hunter Parrish, Alexander Gould, Kevin Nealon (Glenn Martin DDS), Justin Kirk
What it is: A suburban mom deals marijuana.
The buzz: People seem somewhat unsure about this new season, but I don't watch it, so I'm not entirely clear on why.
You might like this if you like: Six Feet Under, maybe?

Fall TV Handbook: Mondays at 9

The shows: The Event, Gossip Girl, Lone Star, Mike and Molly, Two and a Half Men

What I'm doing: DVRing The Event and Gossip Girl. I'll give Lone Star a try, assuming Fox puts full episodes online.

*Event, The, NBC, Mondays at 9, 9/20
Stars and how you know them: Jason Ritter (Joan of Arcadia, Parenthood), Blair Underwood (Dirty Sexy Money, LA Law), Laura Innes (ER), Zeljko Ivanek (Damages, Big Love), Sarah Roemer, Scott Patterson (Gilmore Girls)
What it is: Giant government conspiracies! Secret prisons! Missing people! Mysteries all around!
The buzz: Those who have seen the pilot say it's really good. The only concern is whether it will live up to its promises and solve its mysteries.
You might like this if you like: 24, Lost, Persons Unknown

Gossip Girl, CW, Mondays at 9, 9/13
Stars and how you know them: Leighton Meester (Veronica Mars, 24), Blake Lively (Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants), Penn Badgley (The Mountain, Bedford Diaries), Chace Crawford, Ed Westwick (Children of Men)
What it is: Super-rich young adults in New York have all sorts of drama.
The buzz: Season three wasn't as good as the amazing first two seasons, but season four is starting in Paris, so that should be exciting.
You might like this if you like: Teen dramas, The O.C., 90210

*Lone Star, FOX, Mondays at 9, 9/20
Stars and how you know them: Bryce Johnson (Pretty Little Liars), Mark Deklin (The Ex List), Eloise Mumford (Crash), Adrianne Palicki (Friday Night Lights, Supernatural), Jon Voight (24, lots of movies)
What it is: A con man in the world of Texas big oil leads a double life and falls in love with his wife AND his girlfriend.
The buzz: I'm hearing mostly good things. It helps that all TV critics seem to LOVE Palicki.
You might like this if you like: Soapy dramas, Brothers and Sisters, maybe Friday Night Lights

*Mike and Molly, CBS, Mondays at 9:30, 9/20
Stars and how you know them: Billy Gardell (Yes, Dear), Melissa McCarthy (Gilmore Girls), Swoosie Kurtz (Sisters, Pushing Daisies)
What it is: A couple meets at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting.
The buzz: Everyone loves Melissa McCarthy, but everyone is concerned about the fat jokes.
You might like this if you like: Sitcoms with laugh tracks, uncomfortable humor

Two and a Half Men, CBS, Mondays at 9, 9/20
Stars and how you know them: Charlie Sheen (Spin City, Wall Street), Jon Cryer (Pretty in Pink), Angus T. Jones
What it is: A bachelor has his brother and nephew move in with him.
The buzz: Really, at this point most of the buzz is about Sheen's personal drama.
You might like this if you like: Sitcoms about dysfunctional families, maybe?

Fall TV Handbook: Mondays at 8

The shows: 90210, Chuck, Dancing with the Stars, House, How I Met Your Mother, Rules of Engagement

What I'm doing: DVRing Chuck and House because I remain perpetually convinced that I might watch them some day. Watching How I Met Your Mother online because I am actually caught up on that.

90210, CW, Mondays at 8, 9/13
Stars and how you know them: Shenae Grimes (Degrassi), Tristan Wilds (The Wire), AnnaLynne McCord (Nip/Tuck), Ryan Eggold (Dirt), Jessica Stroup (Reaper)
What it is: The next generation of the original 90210 - a family moves to Beverly Hills and teenage soapy drama ensues.
The buzz: This one is at least holding on, unlike the Melrose Place reboot. I don't think I've heard anything either way about how the new season is, so they might not have sent out screeners.
You might like this if you like: High school dramas, Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill, the original 90210

Chuck, NBC, Mondays at 8, 9/20
Stars and how you know them: Zachary Levi (Less Than Perfect), Yvonne Strahovski (Headland), Sarah Lancaster (What About Brian), Adam Baldwin (Firefly, Serenity), Joshua Gomez (Without a Trace)
What it is: A random geek accidentally gets secret government databases downloaded into his brain and gets involved with the CIA and NSA.
The buzz: This show has a small but rabid following.
You might like this if you like: Funny spy stuff

Dancing with the Stars, ABC, Mondays at 8, Tuesdays at 9, 9/20
Stars and how you know them: Bristol Palin, The Situation (Jersey Shore), Jennifer Grey (Dirty Dancing)
What it is: "Celebrities" in a ballroom dancing competition.
The buzz: Bristol Palin. The Situation. Enough said.
You might like this if you like: Dancing? Celebrity trainwrecks?

House, FOX, Mondays at 8, 9/20
Stars and how you know them: Hugh Laurie (Jeeves and Wooster, A Bit of Fry and Laurie), Lisa Edelstein (West Wing), Robert Sean Leonard, Jesse Spencer (Neighbours), Omar Epps (ER), Jennifer Morrison (Star Trek)
What it is: A possibly crazy doctor diagnoses weird stuff.
The buzz: House and Cuddy are finally getting together this season, so some people are thrilled and the rest are convinced the show will be awful now.
You might like this if you like: Medical shows? Frankly, you probably already know if you like this.

How I Met Your Mother, CBS, Mondays at 8, 9/20
Stars and how you know them: Josh Radnor, Jason Segal (Freaks and Geeks, Undeclared), Cobie Smulders (Veritas: The Quest), Neil Patrick Harris (Doogie Howser, Dr. Horrible), Alyson Hannigan (Buffy, American Pie)
What it is: A guy takes YEARS AND YEARS to tell his kids the story of how he met their mother. What it actually is: A sitcom about a bunch of friends in their twenties.
The buzz: It's widely accepted that this show went off the rails last season. The showrunners seem to have realized this, and promise that things will get better. We'll see.
You might like this if you like: Relationship sitcoms, quirky humor, Friends

Rules of Engagement, CBS, Mondays at 8:30, 9/20
Stars and how you know them: Patrick Warburton (Venture Bros., Family Guy), Megyn Price (Grounded for Life), Oliver Hudson (Dawson's Creek), Bianca Kajlich (Rock Me, Baby), David Spade (SNL, Just Shoot Me, 8 Simple Rules)
What it is: Couples and their single friend have relationships and, um, stuff.
The buzz: I had no idea what this was about or who was in it until I just looked it up, so I'm going to go ahead and say that people don't talk about it much.
You might like this if you like: Relationship sitcoms

Fall TV Handbook: Sundays at 10

The shows: Bored to Death, Brothers and Sisters, CSI: Miami, Eastbound and Down, The Walking Dead

What I'm doing: DVRing Brothers and Sisters, trying The Walking Dead.

Bored to Death, HBO, Sundays at 10, 9/26
Stars and how you know them: Zach Galifianakis (The Hangover, Tru Calling), Ted Danson (Becker, Cheers), Jason Schwartzman (Marie Antoinette, Darjeeling Limited)
What it is: A writer moonlights as an unlicensed private detective.
The buzz: I actually had no idea what this was about until I was writing this, so apparently I don't hear much about it. I think it has a following, though.
You might like this if you like: "Offbeat comedies," I guess.

Brothers and Sisters, ABC, Sundays at 10, 9/26
Stars and how you know them: Calista Flockhart (Ally McBeal), Rachel Griffiths (Six Feet Under), Sally Field (Steel Magnolias, The Flying Nun), Dave Annable (Reunion), Ron Rifkin (Alias), Patricia Wettig (thirtysomething), Matthew Rhys
What it is: A family drama full of secrets and hysterical dinners. Hysterical in both senses of the word, actually.
The buzz: This show has been foundering for a couple of seasons. Keep watching if you're already hooked, but I certainly wouldn't pick it up now.
You might like this if you like: Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy

CSI: Miami, CBS, Sundays at 10, 10/3
Stars and how you know them: David Caruso (NYPD Blue), Emily Proctor (West Wing), Adam Rodriguez (Ugly Betty, Roswell), Rex Linn
What it is: Crime Scene Investigations in Miami.
The buzz: Lots of people love this. Some seem to be sick of David Caruso, I think.
You might like this if you like: Procedurals. Other CSI shows.

Eastbound and Down, HBO, Sundays at 10:30, 9/26
Stars and how you know them: Danny McBride (Pineapple Express, Tropic Thunder)
What it is: A burned-out major leaguer becomes at phys ed teacher at his old school.
The buzz: See exactly what I said about Bored to Death.
You might like this if you like: Will Ferrell? He produces.

*Walking Dead, The, AMC, Sundays at 10, 10/31
Stars and how you know them: Andrew Lincoln (Love Actually, Wuthering Heights)
What it is: Zombies!
The buzz: Virtually everyone on the Internet is losing their minds over this already, and it hasn't even aired. And it's already been renewed for a second season. The Halloween premiere is clever. I don't even LIKE zombies, and I'm going to try this.
You might like this if you like: Uh, zombies? Horror?

Fall TV Handbook: Sundays at 9

The shows: American Dad, Boardwalk Empire, Desperate Housewives, Family Guy, Undercover Boss

What I'm doing: Hey, another hour when there are no shows I want to watch! This is kind of reassuring.

American Dad, FOX, Sundays at 9:30, 10/3
Stars and how you know them: Seth MacFarlane (All these Fox shows)
What it is: Apparently it is an absurdist right-wing CIA thing. I actually had no idea until I looked it up.
The buzz: People don't talk about this much. But maybe I just don't pay attention.
You might like this if you like: Family Guy, etc.

*Boardwalk Empire, HBO, Sundays at 9, 9/19
Stars and how you know them: Steve Buscemi (The Sopranos, 30 Rock, every movie ever), Michael Pitt (Dawson's Creek), Kelly Macdonald (State of Play, No Country for Old Men), Michael Shannon (Jonah Hex, The Runaways), Dabney Coleman (The Guardian)
What it is: Gangsters and politicians in Atlantic City during Prohibition.
The buzz: Everyone who has seen screeners says this is AMAZING. I would definitely be watching it if I got HBO; unfortunately I have to wait for DVD.
You might like this if you like: Deadwood, The Sopranos, historical dramas

Desperate Housewives, ABC, Sundays at 9, 9/26
Stars and how you know them: Teri Hatcher (Lois & Clark), Felicity Huffman (Sports Night), Marcia Cross (Melrose Place), Eva Longoria Parker, Brenda Strong, Vanessa Williams (Ugly Betty)
What it is: A soapy suburban drama
The buzz: This show had lost a lot of steam, but people are saying it might get good again with the addition of Vanessa Williams.
You might like this if you like: Soaps, Brothers and Sisters, The Gates (minus the supernatural element)

Dexter, Showtime, Sundays at 9, 9/26
Stars and how you know them: Michael C. Hall (Six Feet Under), Jennifer Carpenter, Lauren Velez (Oz), James Remar (tons of movies and guest spots)
What it is: A serial killer hunts down criminals.
The buzz: Everyone loves this show, except the people who think it's too gory. I've never seen it because I don't have Showtime.
You might like this if you like: Mysteries with a heavy heaping of violence, I guess.

Family Guy, FOX, Sundays at 9, 9/26
Stars and how you know them: Seth MacFarlane (I hadn't realized he was involved in ALL these shows), Alex Borstein (MADtv), Seth Green (Buffy), Mila Kunis (The '70s Show)
What it is: Grown-up cartoon about a dysfuctional family
The buzz: Again, everyone in the universe except for me seems to like this.
You might like this if you like: Oh, all these Sunday Fox shows.

Undercover Boss, CBS, Sundays at 9, 9/26 at 10
Stars and how you know them: N/A
What it is: Executives go "undercover" to see what life is like for everyday workers in their companies.
The buzz: This seems to be a "love it or hate it" kind of thing.
You might like this if you like: Barbara Ehrenreich? I don't know.

Fall TV Handbook: Sundays at 8

The shows: The Amazing Race, The Cleveland Show, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, The Simpsons

What I'm doing: Nothing! Whoa. This might be the only hour when I have no interest in any of the shows.

Amazing Race, The, CBS, Sundays at 8, 9/26 at 8:30
Stars and how you know them: Host Phil Keoghan. You know him from . . . this.
What it is: Teams travel around the world completing various challenges.
The buzz: I think everyone knows enough about this that no one bothers talking about it much anymore. But it lost the reality Emmy for the first time this year, which isn't necessarily the best sign.
You might like this if you like: Reality competition shows? Travel? You probably already know if you like this.

Cleveland Show, The, FOX, Sundays at 8:30, 9/26
Stars and how you know them: Animated - shares a lot of voice talent with other Fox Sunday night shows.
What it is: A Family Guy spinoff about their neighbor and deli owner, apparently.
The buzz: Honestly, I rarely hear anything about this, and it's not my kind of thing.
You might like this if you like: Family Guy.

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, ABC, Sundays at 8, 9/26
Stars and how you know them: Ty Pennington, from Trading Spaces
What it is: Pennington, guest celebrities, and various other folk renovate the homes of deserving families around the company.
The buzz: This is a pretty reliable feel-good show, although the novelty is pretty much gone by now.
You might like this if you like: Home renovation shows, and/or shows about people overcoming obstacles.

Simpsons, The, FOX, Sundays at 8, 9/26
Stars and how you know them: You know them all from THIS, I promise, but they do have good guest stars. I think the Glee kids are going to be on.
What it is: OH COME ON.
The buzz: People continue to be really into this, and it sort of mystifies me, frankly.
You might like this if you like: I bet you already know whether you like this. I am likely the only person in the universe who doesn't.

Fall TV Handbook

Over the next few days, we'll have a series of posts looking at the fall TV schedule hour by hour. I'll let you know which shows are up against each other, who the stars are, what sort of buzz I'm hearing about each show, and what sort of audience might like each show. I'll also tell you my plans for the hour, and then you can all start worrying about how much TV I'm trying to watch. (Hi Mom!) Rest assured that a) I'll give up on most of the new shows after an episode or two and b) just being I'm DVRing something doesn't mean I'm actually watching it. (I still have stuff from last season on the TiVo.)

As in the index, I'll link you to each show's official page, give you scheduling and premiere info, and put a star before the new shows. I know titles should be italicized, but when I'm naming so many titles over and over I'm just not going to risk the coding errors. All times are Eastern. Any questions? Let me know. Enjoy!

Fall TV Premiere Date Index

A bunch of people have asked me for a list of when TV shows are coming back. Here you go! This list is alphabetical by show name; if you want to see a listing by date, try here. If I'm missing a show you're looking for, let me know in the comments and I'll look it up for you. Over the next few days, I'll have a series of posts looking at each prime time hour and giving my impressions on the various shows.

Notes: A star before a show means that it's new; the rest are returning. Click on the name of a show to visit the official site. If a premiere is on a different day or time than the normal show, that information will follow the regular scheduling info. Let me know if you have any questions!

*$#*! My Dad Says, CBS, Thursdays at 8:30, 9/23

30 Rock, NBC, Thursdays at 8:30, 9/23
90210, CW, Mondays at 8, 9/13

Amazing Race, The, CBS, Sundays at 8, 9/26 at 8:30
America's Next Top Model, CW, Wednesdays at 8, 9/8
American Dad, FOX, Sundays at 9:30, 10/3
Apprentice, The, NBC, Thursdays at 10, 9/16

*Better With You, ABC, Wednesdays at 8:30, 9/22
Big Bang Theory, The, CBS, Thursdays at 8, 9/23
*Big C, The, Showtime, Mondays at 10:30, 8/16
Biggest Loser, The, NBC, Tuesdays at 8, 9/21
*Blue Bloods, CBS, Fridays at 10, 9/24
*Boardwalk Empire, HBO, Sundays at 9, 9/19
*Body of Proof, ABC, Fridays at 9, possibly 9/24?
Bones, FOX, Thursdays at 8, 9/23
Bored to Death, HBO, Sundays at 10, 9/26
Brothers and Sisters, ABC, Sundays at 10, 9/26
Burn Notice, USA, Thursdays at 9, 11/11

Castle, ABC, Mondays at 10, 9/20
*Chase, NBC, Mondays at 10, 9/20
Chuck, NBC, Mondays at 8, 9/20
Cleveland Show, The, FOX, Sundays at 8:30, 9/26
Community, NBC, Thursdays at 8, 9/23
Cougar Town, ABC, Wednesdays at 9:30, 9/22
Criminal Minds, CBS, Wednesdays at 9, 9/22
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, CBS, Thursdays at 9, 9/23
CSI: Miami, CBS, Sundays at 10, 10/3
CSI: NY, CBS, Fridays at 9, 9/24

Dancing with the Stars, ABC, Mondays at 8, Tuesdays at 9, 9/20
*Defenders, The, CBS, Wednesdays at 10, 9/22
Desperate Housewives, ABC, Sundays at 9, 9/26
*Detroit 1-8-7, ABC, Tuesdays at 10, 9/21
Dexter, Showtime, Sundays at 9, 9/26

Eastbound and Down, HBO, Sundays at 10:30, 9/26
*Event, The, NBC, Mondays at 9, 9/20
Extreme Makeover Home Edition, ABC, Sundays at 8, 9/26

Family Guy, FOX, Sundays at 9, 9/26
Fringe, FOX, Thursdays at 9, 9/23

Glee, FOX, Tuesdays at 8, 9/21
Good Guys, The, FOX, Fridays at 9, 9/24
Good Wife, The, CBS, Tuesdays at 10, 9/28
Gossip Girl, CW, Mondays at 9, 9/13
Grey's Anatomy, ABC, Thursdays at 9, 9/23

*Hawaii Five-0, CBS, Mondays at 10, 9/20
Hell's Kitchen, FOX, Wednesdays at 9, 9/22 at 8
*Hellcats, CW, Wednesdays at 9, 9/8
House, FOX, Mondays at 8, 9/20
How I Met Your Mother, CBS, Mondays at 8, 9/20
Human Target, FOX, Fridays at 8, 10/1

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, FX, Thursdays at 10, 9/16

*Law & Order: Los Angeles, NBC, Wednesdays at 10, 9/29
Law & Order: SVU, NBC, Wednesdays at 9, 9/22
League, The, FX, Thursdays at 10:30, 9/16
Lie to Me, FOX, Wednesdays at 8, 11/10
Life Unexpected, CW, Tuesdays at 9, 9/14
*Lone Star, FOX, Mondays at 9, 9/20

Medium, CBS, Fridays at 8, 9/24
Men of a Certain Age, TNT, Mondays at 10, 11/29
Mentalist, The, CBS, Thursdays at 10, 9/23
Middle, The, ABC, Wednesday at 8, 9/22
*Mike and Molly, CBS, Mondays at 9:30, 9/20
Modern Family, ABC, Wednesdays at 9, 9/22
*My Generation, ABC, Thursdays at 8, 9/23

NCIS, CBS, Tuesdays at 8, 9/21
NCIS: Los Angeles, CBS, Tuesdays at 9, 9/21
*Nikita, CW, Thursdays at 9, 9/9
*No Ordinary Family, ABC, Tuesdays at 8, 9/28

Office, The, NBC, Thursdays at 9, 9/23
One Tree Hill, CW, Tuesdays at 8, 9/14
*Outlaw, NBC, Fridays at 10, 9/17
*Outsourced, NBC, Thursdays at 9:30, 9/23

Parenthood, NBC, Tuesdays at 10, 9/14
Private Practice, ABC, Thursdays at 10, 9/23
Psych, USA, Wednesdays at 10, 11/10

*Raising Hope, FOX, Tuesdays at 9, 9/21
Rules of Engagement, CBS, Mondays at 8:30, 9/20
*Running Wilde, FOX, Tuesdays at 9:30, 9/21

*School Pride, NBC, Fridays at 8, possibly 9/24
*Secret Millionaire, ABC, Fridays at 8, no date yet
Simpsons, The, FOX, Sundays at 8, 9/26
Smallville, CW, Fridays at 8, 9/24
Sons of Anarchy, FX, Tuesdays at 10, 9/7
Supernatural, CW, Fridays at 9, 9/24
Survivor: Nicaragua, CBS, Wednesdays at 8, 9/15

*Terriers, FX, Wednesdays at 10, 9/8
Two and a Half Men, CBS, Mondays at 9, 9/20

Undercover Boss, CBS, Sundays at 9, 9/26 at 10
*Undercovers, NBC, Wednesdays at 8, 9/22

Vampire Diaries, The, CW, Thursdays at 8, 9/9

*Walking Dead, The, AMC, Sundays at 10, 10/31
Weeds, Showtime, Mondays at 10, 8/16
*Whole Truth, The, ABC, Wednesdays at 10, 9/22

Bonus Song of the Day: "Last Night"

"Bonus" as in "This week killed me and I got behind on writing actual posts." Also as in "I heard this on the radio last night and realized I'd completely forgotten it existed, but I love it." Also as in "My dad will probably appreciate this."

Song of the Day: "The Highwayman"

Haven 1.8: "Ain't No Sunshine"

Eeeeee! Eeeeee! The end of this episode was so exciting! Okay, keep reading . . .

Mystery of the week: The Dark Man is killing people. He seems to be invisible. Or something. No, he's a shadow! Okay, it seems that people at the hospital were keeping medicine from patients so they could resell it, and the widower of one of the patients who died as a result of this gets so upset that his shadow sort of detaches and starts killing people. Because this is Haven.

Mystery of Audrey's background: This didn't come up much this week, although I'm suspicious about whether the pictures the brothers were insisting on taking of Audrey actually had something to do with this.

Audrey: Aww, poor thing has no friends. Except Nate. Really, who else would you need? Her "You should see him around babies" line about Nate was brilliant.

Nate: Even though he knows everyone in town - and he's certainly not an outsider like Audrey - he doesn't exactly have tons of friends either. And, hilariously, Audrey has no issue with pointing this out. I was pretty surprised that Nate opened up so much to Audrey about his "issues," but it shows how connected he feels with her already - and he also might be less embarrassed to talk to her than to a Haven resident he's known all his life.

Duke: Not in this episode. Boo.

Nate and Jess: I did NOT approve of them together, so I'm glad she's gone. But in retrospect, I guess this plotline was useful, because it got Nate thinking about relationships, and also made Audrey - I hope - start to realize that she might have feelings for Nate. More importantly, the fact that Jess left because of the weird things that Nate has to deal with sets things up for him to have to be with someone who is okay with that. So, you know, Audrey.

Nate and Audrey: Okay, they're officially my OTP here. "Hey, you're kinda smart." "Kinda?" So cute. And OMG, that moment at the end. She kissed his cheek, AND HE FELT IT. What does it all MEAN?

Morning Coffee (9/3/10)

Happy Friday! And really, thank goodness. I am very ready for this three-day weekend. I am hoping to actually have time to clean my house, and also to catch up on a few fall TV shows. Whee. Or maybe I'll just sleep to try to recover from the way it seems every at my company has gone nuts this week.

As far as actual news . . . well, there's really nothing good. Hurricane. Another oil rig exploded. Unemployment numbers coming out. I'm seeing pictures of North Carolina or somewhere on GMA, and oooh, the waves are so pretty! But seriously, people, evacuate if you're supposed to. Watch the waves from TV instead.

Non-spoilery photos from the second episode of The Vampire Diaries season two are here. Pretty boys arm wrestling? Yes please!

Vampire Diaries: Book vs. Show DEATHMATCH!

Wondering about Markos Moulitsas's new book? Jamelle Bouie read it so you don't have to.

Twitter has a new iPad app. I like Twittelator, as I've said, but I'll check this new one out and let you know how it is. Honestly, if it loads more tweets than Twittelator (which stops at 200), I might switch.

The Preppy Handbook changed June Thomas's life.

Lockwoods, Legends & Lycanthropes – OH MY!

Alexa Ray Joel really wants you to notice her.

She is NOT subtle about it. Also, it seems she is currently enamored of big words:

The video is most notable for the Blake Lively and Leighton Meester lookalikes, I think. Well, and it's always nice to see a young woman who's not a size zero who is (or acts like she is) confident in her sexuality. Joel has had a very public battle with depression, so it's interesting to see that she is promoting such a bouncy and upbeat single. (I hope this means she's actually doing better.) And her stylist has done a good job of making her look lovely and glamorous but not trashy through most of the video.

But the actual song? Enh. Sure, it's catchy, in a Lily Allen sort of way, and I don't turn it off when it comes on the radio. But it goes out of its way to reinforce all sorts of traditional gender roles and sexual politics. The line that bothered me most in the radio version - "Why you being such a chick about it?" - is apparently the edited clean version, and I find the line in the official video above - "Why you being such a dick about it?" - actually rather less offensive. Some of the lyrics seem weirdly young for an almost-25-year-old - although the "Make my dad want to ground me, honey" line is a cute throwaway reference to her famous father.

Regardless, though, it seems Joel has succeeded in her mission: we've noticed her. Now let's see what she does next.

In search of the perfect travel mug

I love coffee and tea, and I have never, ever found a travel mug that meets all my specifications:

1. Seals completely.
2. Fits in a cupholder - not too wide, and not too narrow/tall that it flops around.
3. Comes COMPLETELY apart to wash - this means that if the top has a slidey bit, the pieces need to detach so each can be washed thoroughly.
4. A handle is nice but not mandatory.
5. Will not break if I drop it.

Song of the Day: "Against the Wind"

Haven 1.7: "Sketchy"

I haven't mentioned it in a few episodes, so let me take this opportunity to mention how much I love the New Englandy-ness of this show. So much I feel compelled to make up words, apparently. Anyway, continue...

Mystery of the Week: People are dying in weird ways - a guy on a boat has his legs broken oddly, and a real estate broker is sliced up. There's charcoal residue in both places. A guy's facial features disappear. It turns out that an art teacher is making this happen by drawing voodoo pictures, and someone to whom her father owes money is blackmailing her into hurting people. There's a drawing of the whole town that might make the town go poof at any moment. Scary!

Lucy mystery: Not much. Are you as shocked as I am? Hah.

Audrey: At this point, she's even more eager than Nathan to attribute stuff to The Troubles, which is interesting. And it's cute how obviously jealous she is of Nathan and Jess.

Duke: He's back! He makes a big deal out of hiding stuff behind a tarp, but it turns out to be preparations for the 80-year-old librarian's birthday party. Of course. And then he's all nice and helpful. Aww.

Nathan: I am not amused by this nonsense with Jess. Well, except that Audrey teasing him is fun, I guess. Still.

The triangle: I can't believe I'm saying this, but between Nathan being interested in Jess and Duke being all sweet and helpful, I'm almost wanting Audrey to pick Duke this week. I'm sure that'll pass, though.

Morning Coffee (9/2/10)

Happy Thursday! I spent this morning rearranging my storage room, so I have no idea what they were saying on GMA for once. I do know that today is supposed to be the last day of this heat wave, thank goodness.

Here's a tantalizing review of the season premiere of The Vampire Diaries.

Mo Ryan's new blog at AOL TV is up: Stay Tuned!

Ron Moore of BSG is making an adult Harry Potter-like show. Feel free to run away in horror now.

Lizzie Skurnick on the Franzen hubbub.

Why Netflix is way awesomer than people think.

Trailer: Fair Game

I suppose after all my Rubicon posts, it won't surprise anyone that I love possibly-boring spy things, but I honestly have no idea why everyone is being so negative about the trailer for Fair Game, the Valerie Plame movie:

From that little bit, at least, it looks like it's staying faithful to her book while including the action that audiences demand from spy movies. I can't wait!

Rubicon 1.6: "Look to the Ant"

It looks like TWoP has stopped covering Rubicon, so apparently I think this means I should write even more ridiculously long recaps. Does anyone want to read that? Probably not. But I find it comforting to know I have sent them out into the ether. Continue after the jump . . .

The Previouslies guy sounds sooo smug. Anyway. Are we convinced that David's dead? I wonder that each time they show the train crash but not his face.

We start with . . . someone breaking in somewhere! I think it's Will's apartment. Ah, it's Kale. He takes off his evil black trenchcoat, so apparently he's planning to stay a while. And that was the shortest opener ever. Credits! I haven't mentioned the opening credit sequence, but i really like it. It's very puzzly. Which makes sense, of course. Hey, this episode was written by Zack Whedon, brother of Joss!

In the API offices, we're following Maggie down the hallway, and - you know what this is like? This is like all those long tracking shots Tommy Schlamme is so famous for, but in slow motion. That might be a decent metaphor for the show, actually. Okay, Maggie is bringing a piece of paper to an office and then is NOT SNEAKY AT ALL as she starts snooping around. You work with SPIES, Maggie. They would be on to you, if they weren't the slowest spies ever. Have we discussed how Maggie looks like Maggie Gyllenhaal? She really does. Will catches her, believes her "just straightening up" lie, and then they have their mandatory awkward flirting moment. Her actual news for him: Kale is summoning him to dinner at his apartment.

Will just sits there looking confused for a while - literally - and we jump to Team Meeting! Grant wants deference because of his seniority. Tanya is unimpressed. Miles looks at pictures of Beck's house. Will comes in, gives them info about the surveillance of the Beck wedding, and leaves the moment Miles offers to stay and deal with it. You're really not a very good boss, Will. After they leave Miles alone, he hears something that sounds like a gunshot, or maybe just a door slamming, and looks up. Was that supposed to be . . . something? I don't even know.

Katherine shows up at the home of someone named Alice Bradley, looking to talk to her about her late husband Gerald. Oh, he's the guy from that newspaper clipping from last episode. Alice has never heard of Tom Rhumor and seems bemused. And that's all that happens.

Maggie is sending Sophie off for a weekend with her dad! But not before threatening him with calling the cops if Sophie's late to school or if Maggie can't get in touch with him.

Will shows up at Kale's and is met by a young guy named Walter. Apparently Kale is in the shower. Is this his boyfriend? Hm. There's music playing and the apartment is huge and gorgeous. Please tell me they invited Will over for a threesome. Walter thinks he doesn't get to meet Kale's coworkers because Kale's ashamed of him, and Will is actually charming for a moment as he assures Walter that it's the API folks Kale is ashamed of. Probably true! Kale very seriously says he wants to ask Will something, and my dirty mind is back to the threesome thing, but it's actually whether Will has ever had white bean salad. Will and I are both confused.

At the table, Will is going on about . . . slime mold? Pleasant dinner conversation! Walter runs off as quickly as he can, and I don't blame him. Will then starts to actually make sense about how our enemies are no longer hierarchical and are now more like a web, or slime mold, and Kale responds with a hearty "God, I miss the Cold War." So say we all, Kale, so say we all. Then Kale tells Will that Bloom and Edward Roy were in a car accident last night, and that Roy is the person of interest for Will. Who is he working for? (I just looked it up - Edward Roy is NOT the Ed who has been a main character so far. I think he's the laundromat guy. Really, show? Two characters with the same name? The two African-American characters? REALLY?)

Then we have this brilliant bit of dialogue: "You're not saying anything, Will." "I don't know what to say. What are YOU saying?" Man, I love these wacky non-spies. Kale is saying that he wants to help Will. He knows all about what Will's up to, and points out that Will is not being stealthy at ALL. "Are you saying my home is bugged?" Yes, yes he is. I bet API bugs everyone's homes, anyway. "How I know is inconsequential. That I know is significant." How does Kale know his home is not also bugged? "Oh, I sweep this place twice a week. Sometimes more, if I'm bored." I'm starting to love Kale. He's too high-profile to participate directly, but he'll help where he can, so stop asking dumb questions about his change of heart, Will! Will looks unconvinced. "Thank you for dinner." He leaves, to some rather fetching music.

Miles is bored and punchy while on Beck wedding duty, and he starts taking wheeled desk chair rides around the office and I think he's going to bang into something and make all the expensive equipment fall down, but no, that would be too much action for this show. Then there's something about guests entering the facility and Miles starts yelling "No" and running around looking for someone. Everyone else has gone home. "Urdu, seriously, Urdu?" Finally he finds someone named Julia, and she speaks Urdu, of course, so he drags her off to translate as she points out how dumb it was for him to expect the wedding guests to be speaking German. She doesn't want to help because their teams are segregated for a reason. Hmmm. But it looks like Miles convinces her.

Will goes home to his apartment full of index cards, and starts looking for bugs. He finds one in the thermostat and stares at it for a really long time, although I really don't know why he's at all surprised at this point.

Maggie, lonely without Sophie, is watching an old horror movie. That'll make you feel better! She turns it off and listens to the various sounds of her neighbors. She chews her thumbnail. Seriously, that's all that happens in this scene.

And we're back to Will, still searching for - and finding - bugs in various places in his apartment. And his cell phone! He sighs a lot, and then the phone rings and he jumps and I laugh uncharitably. It's Maggie! He assumes it's an emergency, but she was just calling. "About what?" Oh, Will, you're really bad at this. She asks him out and I'm not sure he even realizes because he's so freaked out about all the bugs. Oh, poor Maggie. Will sits in a corner of his apartment, looking defeated and paranoid. Then he sees people! Through the window! In other buildings! He panics and slams the blinds shut, Then he takes a piece of paper out of his bag, considers calling a number on it, crumples it, uncrumples it, etc. The music is very intense. Finally he stuffs all his notes in his messenger bag and is about to run out the door, but goes back at the last moment for David's gun. THEN he leaves adn we finally get a commercial.

Will gets out of a taxi on a busy street and wanders to . . . an Internet cafe? REALLY? (Someone is following him, of course. Badly. Of course.) I'm not sure this is what Kale meant by "under the radar." He . . . searches for Edward Roy? SERIOUSLY? And of course he's convinced that the various people in the place are looking at him. Are they? I don't know.

Back to Miles and Julia watching the Beck hijinks! Miles lectures her and then is all "They have so much money blah" and she's all "you're jealous blah" and I'm not even going to bother. Then the phone rings and it's his mom! Really?

Cut to Maggie in her apartment wearing a bra and pants. There's a knock at the door and she yells "Coming!" as she hurries to put on a shirt. Do people really wander around without their shirts like that? I don't get it. She checks the mirror, opens the door, and it's . . . some guy with a vague maybe-British accent. Irish? He brought Scrabble! He missed her in class on Tuesday! She claims that Sophie is at a friend's, and that she works for Unicef. Apparently she is taking classes to become a translator. She gets munchies and wine and looks at him expectantly. And . . . he has no accent. Never mind. He starts telling her about widows in India being burned at their husbands' funerals and then realizes that that's not very sexy. "Should I open the wine?" "Sure!"

Back to Will. He gets up to print something and the guy behind him reaches for his bag - it looks like to take it, but maybe just to pick it up off the floor. Will freaks out and leaves. Someone is, of course, unsubtly following him. He goes to the subway, I think.

Julia is back to criticizing Miles for not knowing Urdu, and refusing to tell him what the people are saying. He insists. "The bride looks beautiful. They grow up so fast." Heh. Of course, then something interesting happens. They're being cryptic! Talking about "The Foundation!"

Maggie and her boy are practicing languages. He's cute. She's worried about Sophie but trying to relax, and drinking lots of wine. I don't entirely trust this boy, and I'm also expecting Will to show up all crazy-like just when Maggie starts to hook up with the guy. Oh, and as I typed that, they started making out. Hurry up before Will gets there!

Will walks along a deserted street. Someone follows him. Do I even need to bother to say this? Will gets behind the guy and pulls his gun. "Who do you work for?" "They don't want to tell me. And I don't want to know." Well, that's rather incurious of him. Will then brags about how he has access to all information ever, which doesn't really seem like the safest thing to do. But then he takes the guy's picture, which is clever. and he runs off. Shockingly, the guy doesn't shot him as soon as he turns his back.

Katherine is home watching infomercials, because the people on this show can't even watch anything interesting on TV. She looks at that newspaper clipping again and then starts wandering around, as is her wont. She grabs a small clock from a bookcase and stares at it. Commercial!

Maggie and the guy are in bed. Maggie, I really think if you're going to sleep with him, you should at least tell us his name. He says "That was nice." Uh, high praise? "I didn't even realize you were interested in me. You're quiet. I like that." I still say he's creepy. He's all snuggly and she looks sort of uncomfortable. And then - knock on the door! She looks more terrified than you'd expect, really. She throws on a robe, and - it's Will! I told you this would happen! He's clearly in distress and asks if he woke Sophie, which proves that he DIDN'T really hear anything Maggie said on the phone earlier. He asks to come in and she hedges. He says "This isn't anything" and asks if he can crash on her couch. He just doesn't want to be by himself right now. Finally, the guy says "Is everything all right?" and Will realizes what's going on, apologizes, and leaves. And . . . Maggie immediately throws the guy out! Because seeing Will made her realize that's who she really liked? Just because she's freaked out? Hmm.

Miles recognizes an Iranian intelligence guy on the feeds and Julia can't hear what they're saying. He finally thanks her for totally interrupting her night to help, and she says she's enjoying the distraction from some sewage-related research she was doing just for fun. Okay! They both get a little teary as she translates an emotional speech about love. There are Significant Looks and I assume Miles has a new crush. Julia asks if Miles is married and he hesitates before saying he is. And then asks about her Zelda tattoo. Hee. Suddenly it's time to leave, although I don't know why they've decided nothing else interesting will happen.

The next morning, Will and Maggie look at each other awkwardly through a weird open window thing in the office. He keeps apologizing. She keeps insisting it's fine. He goes to see Ingram and she looks after him and sighs. I am suddenly seeing shades of Josh and Donna.

Will starts to tell Kale that he looked into Edward Roy, but Kale pantomimes something that I assume is about the office being bugged. Get with the picture, Will! Kale takes him onto the roof, which actually looks a lot like the roof on Gossip Girl, plus or minus some barbed wire. Edward Roy is ex-CIA, retired ten years ago, started a security firm that was bought by Atlas MacDowell. And Atlas MacDowell, friends, is a company on whose board sat Gerald Bradley, the CCNY prof whose suicide was the subject of the clipping Katherine found in Tom's locked files. But of course, Will doesn't know any of this, because when he met Katherine all they talked about was vodka. "So what do you imagine Atlas is up to?" "I don't know." "Well, perhaps you'd best find out." Yes, Will, perhaps you'd best.

As Kale walks away, Will asks AGAIN why Kale's helping him, and Kale says "I support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic." This is part of the oath taken by new senators, new citizens, and new military officers, so take your pick. Also new CIA agents? Perhaps. As he leaves, Kale says that it's not just Will's home - he's being monitored at the office too. Had Will not guessed this? Sigh.

Katherine is back at Alice Bradley's house, asking about Atlas MacDowell! Go Katherine! Ooh. After Gerald died, Tom took his place on the board. Alice immediately picks up on the fact that it's weird that both men committed suicide. Katherine asks if Alice knew anything about the company, but Alice starts talking about how it's impossible to figure out why their husbands killed themselves except for the simple, sad fact that "You gave him years, and he walked away." She has a box of stuff that she thought might have "meant something" after Gerald's death. Katherine immediately finds a four-leaf clover that Alice found on Gerald's desk and preserved in a frame. Katherine is visibly shaken but won't tell Alice why. She rushes out. Then Alice takes a photograph out of the box, and it's that same one of boys on a beach!

Will enters what I think is Kale's office, looks around, and very slowly sits down at the desk chair. He stares at an owl figurine in apparent horror. The end!

Song of the Day: "September"

Haven 1.6: "Fur"

Getting shot at is always a big deal, as Audrey explains after the jump . . .

Mystery of the Week: The animals are attacking the hunters! There's all sorts of intrigue among the guys at the hunting club, but maybe it's all about a witch. Except she's not really a witch (and her name is Jess, by the way). It turns out that the dead, stuffed animals are coming to life and attacking the hunters who killed them. It turns out that the taxidermist was himself stuffed by his mother after he died in a fire. Apparently the mother stuffing people or animals makes them come to life. She ends up sacrificing herself to the animals to save her son. Creeeeepy. Ooh, and at the end, it turns out that the woman was stuffed herself.

Lucy mystery: It wasn't mentioned much until the end, when Eleanor promises to help Audrey figure it out.

Audrey: I think she probably thinks Eleanor's joking when she says it will take ten or fifteen years for Audrey to fit in, but she's totally not. Welcome to New England, Audrey. She's a very good shot, but that's not surprising for an FBI agent.

Duke: He was absent from this episode. Sad.

Nathan: Not a hunter. Good to know. And he makes a werewolf joke! Aww. Jess tells him that his inability to feel pain is magic, not a medical condition. We'd rather guessed that, hadn't we? It's always fun when he and his father butt heads, and it's nice to see Audrey sticking up for him. His little "We're all different together" speech was cute, and quite a lot of talking! I mean, for him! But then he asks Jess out at the end of the episode. Boo.

Morning Coffee (9/1/10)

Happy September! I am THRILLED that it is September, because I hate summer (have you noticed?) but I am also extremely bitter because it's going to be 98 today and that is NOT proper September weather. Also, my laptop is going in for surgery today, so please think happy motherboard-replacing thoughts.

Last night, the President gave an Oval Office address about the end of combat operations in Iraq, but OBVIOUSLY the big story is that he redecorated the Oval Office. (I like the new look well enough, for the record.) Murkowski has officially conceded to Miller in Alaska. And people on Cape Cod are being dumb talking about how much they love hurricanes and how they won't evacuate. Good luck with that! And - oh, fine. Entertainment Tonight is doing a behind the scenes thing of the Emmy opener, so I will give in and TiVo it.

Oh! Vanity Fair has a Sarah Palin profile out. It just came out so I haven't read it yet, but Roger Ebert tweeted that it's "devastating," so there you go.

I'm assuming that anyone who wants Grey's Anatomy spoilers heard the big news yesterday, but if you somehow missed it, click here.

I hate to say it, but I agree with every bit of this post about Emily Deschanel's look at the Emmys.

There's going to be some sort of 3D Nutcracker movie. With Elle Fanning and Nathan Lane? And new songs by Tim Rice? Is it not a ballet? Wait, is it a musical? What on earth is going on? I can't decide whether I'm excited or terrified.

Wait, haven't we read this John Le Carre story about assassinations in the Cold War about three times already? Why does it continue to be news?

Oh NO. American Girl is retiring Felicity.

Chad Lowe got married. Brother Rob Lowe was the best man. Aww.

The creators of Gossip Girl are making a show about twentysomethings in DC. I am cautiously optimistic.

New pictures from Glee!

The new Preppy Handbook sounds rather disappointing.

Politeness Enforcement Tactics

Gmail's Priority Inbox sounds nifty. Can't wait to try it out!

Sweden continues to be awesome.

Sepinwall on Inception

I'm not the only one excited for Easy A.

TV Squad agrees with me: Rubicon is not boring.