Because randomness can happen any day of the week, right?
1. Something strikes me a bit wrong about Weight Watchers sponsoring a figure skating event. Let's see, how many ways can they find to screw up American women's body image all at once? It's multi-tasking!
2. That said, boy, are there some pretty boys in skating. I've decided that Evan Lysacek is my new favorite. (And when I was finding his Web site, I realized how young he is. Eek.) But no, I like him for reasons other than his looks... he's one of the few skaters I've seen recently who really seems like he is a) paying attention to his music and b) having fun. Whee. Can't wait for the Olympics!
3. You know the "shoemakers' wives go barefoot, and doctors' wives die young" proverb? (No? Well, honestly, I only know of it through Anne's House of Dreams
, but I figure Gilbert is a decent authority for this sort of thing.) In any case, it seems that a little-known corollary, at least in this house, is that knitters get hypothermia. At college, I was known for always walking around knitting things in the dead of winter but never actually wearing any of the hats or scarves or anything I made. Apparently the habit has stuck with me; when the cold weather hit last week, I couldn't find a single hat or scarf or mitten. All I found were my leather driving gloves. So. This must be remedied, especially as my roommate and I are playing the "heat game"; I seem to feel that if I can knit us enough warm stuff, we can keep the heat off indefinitely. His fingerless mitts will be done tonight and then I'll start on a hat for myself. Pictures soon.
4. I tried to make myself a grilled cheese sandwich and failed rather spectacularly. A freaking grilled cheese sandwich. Since I am, in general, considered to be a darned decent cook, I have logically concluded that the cause of my sudden culinary failure is the fact that I seem to be considering an advanced degree1 and maybe even
5. Have you read Michael Nava? No? What are you waiting for? I started with the last of the series, Rag and Bone
, and absolutely loved it; I'm now tearing through the series from the beginning. Fascinating main character, insteresting mysteries, bittersweet romance. What more could you want?
6. Thanks to everyone who answered my questions (especially Cate, who has gone above and beyond) and expressed their support for my novel. I can start writing in 27 hours and 24 minutes! Not that I'm counting...
___
1 In this context, an "advanced degree" means a Ph.D. in something more strictly academic; I am currently in an MLS program but I see that more as professional training. (And really, it's about the most ladylike degree you can get, so the fates aren't interfering. They realize that spinsters need a way to support themselves. Isn't that why libraries were invented, anyway?)
One of my new blog addictions, a little pregnant, has a category of entries that she calls "Welcome to the bad place. Population: You." I have been, um, rather enamored of this category name recently, because it seems to fit how I've been feeling so very very well. (I am also wishing I had some more interesting category names, especially now that I'm writing more personal stuff. Hmm. Perhaps a project for tomorrow. Because I have, you know, so much time.)
Anyway. The bad place. I feel like I've been getting rather familiar with it the past week or so. Let's just say that, if I were to take one of those "Which Serenity character are you?" quizzes, I would not be the least bit surprised to get a resounding answer of "River." Why? That's not so clear. I mean, I'm not the most happy-go-lucky person to start with, certainly. And a lot of it is the break up. Yes, it's been two months or so, but you don't get over five years in two months. And yes, I was doing very well for a while. But now I'm doing not so well, which is probably good, because it means I'm not suppressing my emotions as much. It's not that I'm pining and wanting him back (most of the time), so that's good, at least. I'm just still dealing with the fallout.
The fallout, more particularly, is a sort of identity crisis. An old college friend recently said, mostly joking (I think), "I don't even know who you are anymore." It sort of hurt. But. There it is.
I don't even know who the heck I am anymore.
Welcome to the bad place, indeed.
Now that I'm here, though, and I've recognized I'm here, it's sort of comforting. The eye of the storm, perhaps. I am letting myself be sad, happy, insane, miserable, euphoric, distracted, scattered, and obsessed as I need - or all at once. I am not doing the "la la la it's all great" thing because, well, it isn't. I am letting myself think about who I am, what I want, and what I don't want. I am letting myself think about the past, and the future. (And, of course, Thanksgiving.) I am, periodically, trying as hard as I can to Just Stop Thinking. Oh yeah, it's been fun.
At the moment, though, I'm feeling pretty stable. I spent the evening eating Indian food at a new (to me) restaurant and then sitting around the living room drinking wine and listening to music with my roommate. I'm actually feeling slightly relaxed for once. (Don't worry, I'm sure I'll wake up stressed.) My aunt was supposed to visit this weekend, but she wasn't feeling well and decided to stay home. Now, I am sorry that I won't get to see her, but I am not terribly upset about the prospect of an unexpected free day.
So, my new and improved plan for tomorrow:
1. Sleep as late as possible.
2. Madly clean room.
3. Do homework.
4. Finish the gorram baby blanket.
I have made a deal with myself that as soon as I finish the blanket, I can knit whatever I darn well please. For a while, at least. So watch for a severe case of knitting ADD with a side order of existential angst, coming soon to a blog near you!
So it looks like I'm not going home for Thanksgiving.
This in itself is not necessarily all that odd. Of the past four Thanksgivings, I have spent two away from my family, with my ex-boyfriend and his parents. That, in fact, is part of the issue. This Thanksgiving, I will not be with the person with whom I spent the past four Thanksgivings. I know, I know, Thanksgiving is about family... but still. This year will seem strange, regardless of what I do.
The reasons I'm not going, though, are more practical.
Here's how I think Thanksgiving should go:
Everyone should be relaxed and getting along. There should be snow flurries. I should be cooking yummy things with my mother. We should all be watching the Macy's parade. Dinner itself should all come off flawlessly and conversation should manage to be interesting while avoiding any dangerous ground. The rest of the weekend should be time to relax and have a bit of family bonding.
Here's how this Thanksgiving would actually go:
Wednesday: Work all day, go to Boston for class. Leave class at nine and head to Connecticut, arriving perhaps around 12:30 am if I'm extremely lucky. Try not to fall asleep driving. Try not to go crazy because of the inevitable traffic.
Thursday: Get up to watch parade. Argue with brother, who will think the parade is stupid, about use of the TV. Try to help my mom with whatever we need to cook to bring to my aunt's house. Head to aunt's house for fun family excitement! Try to figure out who's mad at whom. Get interrogated about my ex, school, my job, etc. Listen to comments about my, and everyone else's, weight and appearance. Be the good little peacemaker and try to keep everything running smoothly. When we all sit down and go around the table listing things we're grateful for this year, try to figure out how to appropriately phrase "I got dumped," "I hate my job," and "I am so beyond stressed right now. Why am I here?" Try to make conversation with my cousins. Try not to think about the in-jokes and whispered comments my ex and I would have been making.
Friday: Mom goes to work. I drive back, panicking about finishing my final project for class, due the next week and trying to deal with more inevitable traffic. Try not to think about last year, when my ex and I had a lovely (really) time at the day after Thanksgiving sales.
Go to work at the store either Friday or, at the latest, Saturday morning. Wish I had time to sleep or, you know, work on my final project. Try not to think about last year.
Now doesn't that all sound like fun?
Nevertheless, I had planned to go, mostly because I was worried about my parents' reaction if I didn't. And I was worried about my parents getting flack from the rest of the family if I didn't show. But then I talked to my parents, and they both seem to think that doing all that driving for so little time home, when I have all this other stuff I need to be doing, is, well, insane. So. Everyone seems agreed. No need for me to go home for Thanksgiving.
Now, of course, the question is what to do instead. There are a few possibilities. Plan A involves going with my roommate to his parents' house. Plan B, which is perhaps more likely, involves spending the day in my favorite pajamas, knitting and watching the parade and Christmas movies, and then having some sort of celebration with my roommate later in the weekend. Really, either sounds okay. I think. Of course, I'm not sure how I'll feel when the day arrives, but I'm trying not to worry about it too much. I'm sure some variation of sad (re: loneliness) and/or guilt-stricken (re: filial duty) will be in there somewhere... might as well let it be a surprise so I have something to look forward to.
Aren't holidays fun?
Apparently I am a decent enough person to feel guilty about not sharing my chocolate with anyone but the person in my department with whom I am closest... but not a decent enough person to actually offer any to anyone else.
Apparently the "Aaaaaah"ness of the previous entry led to a total meltdown in the car on the way from work to class. (It's about an hour drive, NH to Boston.) I spent the time alternating between fighting tears, wondering if I've finally just gone mad, and debating whether to just turn around and go home. Yeah, fun stuff. Now I'm in the computer lab at school getting ready to face a three-hour class. And then the drive home.
If I didn't actually have stuff that needed to get done at work (for once), I would be seriously considering a mental health day tomorrow. Ah well. I'd also sort of like a hug... but there's really no one around to get one from. I'm not comfortable hugging people I don't feel I know very well, but most of my friends in NH are not huggy types, so it's a problem.
Aaaah. It's one of those days when I feel like I'm too messed up or damaged to ever have a "normal" life and I don't deserve one anyway. And I don't know what I want. In practically any context. And I don't know how I'm going to face three hours of sitting through class and the requisite small talk with classmates, and then walking to the T in the rain and then taking the T and then driving home. And my brain won't stop and I'm just driving myself crazy at this point.
I'm trying to convince myself that this is all fairly normal post-breakup stuff... right? Help!
Reasons why I think it's Friday:
1. This has been one of the longest weeks ever. You could tell me it was next Friday and I wouldn't be surprised.
2. I just got home from the movies. I normally do not go out gallivanting on work nights.
3. I had candy at work this afternoon, which is generally a Friday-only occurence.
4. I have a weird urge to stay up late doing nothing in particular.
5. I really, really, really do not want to go to work tomorrow.
So I unexpectedly have an entire day free tomorrow. Yes, I knew that I had Labor Day off, but my parents have been up here visiting this weekend. I didn't know what time they were going to leave on Monday, so I didn't make any plans. But it turns out that one of their cars broke down yesterday morning, so they're leaving early to go car shopping and I won't see them at all. Therefore, I have a whole day delightfully free. Because of the aforementioned parental visit, my apartment is even pretty clean, so the day really feels freer than most.
So... what shall I do? Sleep late? Write a story? Finally spend some quality time with the spinning wheel? Take a long walk? Read John Irving all day? Go shopping? (I'll probably do at least some of that, actually, since I have a Borders coupon about to expire.) Catch up on all the blogs I try to read? Knit Birch all day? Or pull out Charlotte or the Baltic Sea Stole or even
I'm not going to decide now, though. I'm sure I'll have fun with whatever I pick, but for the moment, I think the delight of it really lies in the fact that that whole long stretch of time is free.
I caught some sort of evil sore throat thing just in time for the end of my vacation, and it's still lingering. So I'm feeling generally icky and the unpacking/vacation recovery process is going slowly. But at least it's going. Anyway, I'm very happy to be home. More once I can swallow.
Here I am on vacation! I'm writing courtesy of the lovely wireless access at the Wildwood Crest Public Library. We're having a good time... yesterday my dad and I went to Cape May for the afternoon. We saw two historic sites: the Cape May Lighthouse and the Emlen Physick Estate. We also hit the Washington Street Mall, which would have been infinitely more charming if it had not been raining. Nevertheless, I managed to do a bit of damage at Fiber Arts Yarn Shop as well as Stitch by Stitch. Pictures when I get back.
Tomorrow I'm hoping that the rest of the family will want to go to the beach and so I'll be able to take the car to Historic Cold Spring Village. I love living history places anyway, and they're supposed to have a spinning workshop (or in a home? Not sure). And a store that sells what their various craftspeople make. I am, therefore, hoping for yarn. I'm sure you're all shocked.
Well, I am off to Wildwood today. I've been feeling burned out so I hope this week off will help. I'll try to post at least every few days while I'm gone, but Internet access may be spotty, so don't worry if you don't hear from me for a week or so. Byeee!
Well, I'm 23 today. :-) It's been a great birthday weekend, and I have lots of pictures to show you, but I'm a bit too tired right now. (In addition to being great, the weekend was rather exhausting.) I'll probably get it all set on Tuesday, since I have class tomorrow, but the sock wants to give you a tour of New York, and I have lots of birthday goodies to show you too.
1. Sorry for the lack of posts this week. Between my class ending and my upcoming trips, things have been crazy.
2. I'm about 90% done with my final project for my class (due Monday). Woohooo!
3. This weekend is the aforementioned trip to CT and NYC. I am beyond excited.
4. AND my birthday is Sunday!!!!
5. It seems to be the thing recently for socks to narrate such excursions. At first it was just one sock, but others are doing now too, so I figured I might as well.
6. To facilitate the above, I bought a skein of Reynolds Swizzle in Forest at lunchtime today. Look for the sock's report soon.
7. I've started to think I may be just a wee bit obsessed with knitting. Today I started rather lengthy knitting threads on two non-knit-related e-mail lists.
8. I have also concluded that there should be a 24-hour knitting hotline. I spoke to a long distance friend several times on the phone yesterday trying to help her through her first sock, and do you know how hard phone knitting support is? (Yes, you probably do.) Now, I enjoyed it greatly and am glad she called, but what about all those knitters who don't have a knitting friend sitting at a desk all day and happy to be distracted? An 800 number is in order, clearly.
9. Oh, and I am determined to get to at least one NYC yarn store, probably The Yarn Connection because it's just a few blocks from the hotel.
10. See? I'm doing it already. Whenever we're in New York, my dad (the resident NY expert) tells us that wherever we're headed is "just a couple of blocks that way." (FYI: I have learned from experience that the Metropolitan is not, in fact, just a couple of blocks from Grand Central. In case any other fathers were spreading that particular rumor.) Anyway, I knew I'd start using the same phrasing when describing where we were going to my boyfriend. Oh well.
11. I am now just blathering so I should probably stop torturing you and try to get through my last hour at work.
12. Did I mention that this weekend is my birthday? Just checking.
13. Oh, and did I mention that we're staying at the Library Hotel? So cool.
14. Okay, really going now.
Look! It's a cover story! In addition to his normal weekly column! (This is in a local paper newsweekly, the Hippo. They put some of the stories online as well.)
It's his first cover story. I'm so pround of him. :-)
No, not with a knitting project. But as of tonight, I am halfway through my summer class. Woohoo!
I was thinking about this anyway, and then Lauren asked about the Berkshires, so...
What I Miss Most Right Now About My Freaky Little College in the Berkshires:
- The Community Garden. I was working on campus the summer it got started, and it was great... they'd put whatever happened to be ready out on a table, and members of the community could take what they wanted and leave what they thought appropriate. And it was organic. I'm planning on making extensive use of farmers' markets and farmstands this summer, but still, it's not the same.
- The library. Great place to work, marvelous group of people.
- The area restaurants... breakfast at Martin's, pizza at Baba Louie's, ice cream at Bev's, burritos at La Choza, cheesecake at Cheesecake Charlie's, etc.
- Fabulous downtowns with nifty independent stores in Great Barrington and Stockbridge. Just drive up Route 7... it's great. Including, of course, Wonderful Things, my then-LYS.
- The faculty. On the whole, a fascinating, fun group of people. I'm so spoiled for any other higher ed places.
- Same with the classes, classmates, and discussions. The few times I've tried to start a Simon's Rock-like discussion in grad school, I've been immediately shot down or just looked at like I'm insane.
- The freedom to do really interesting academic projects and design my own course of study.
- The liberal atmosphere, although I'd like that more now than I did then.
To keep some perspective, some things I do not miss:
- The tourist traffic
- The intellectual elitism
- The dining hall food (although I do miss dining hall conversations)
Happy July! July is my birth month, and halfway through the year, so I tend to use it to start things (or start over, as the case may be). My main "things" for this July are keeping track of my reading and knitting (I was really good about this for a few years, at least with the reading, but then just stopped) and resurrecting this blog. So, hopefully, you'll be seeing more from me soon.
A few reasons why I stopped blogging, and how I'm going to fix them:
1. I tend to get very "I'll post such-and-such every so many days.." etc. And when I can't live up to my (too high) expectations, I figure it's just not worth it and stop. Well, no more of that. I'll try to post at least a few times a week, and we'll leave it at that.
2. I feel like every entry needs pictures. And this just isn't practical. It takes much more time, and means I'd never be able to post from work or most other places. So. I will try for pictures at least once a week. Aren't you proud of how un-perfectionisty I'm (trying to) be(ing)?
3. Spam comments. As mentioned below, I'm closing the comments on older entries (anything before May at this point) while I work on a better solution.
All that said... hi! I've missed you! Anyone still out there?
1. Stopping for a fountain Diet Coke with a flavor shot (please let them have chocolate please let them have chocolate) on the way.
2. Listening to the radio and continuing to construct imaginary iPod playlists in my head. (I'm getting an iPod!)
3. Reading and knitting time on the T. (Yes, I brought my knitting today. I do learn from my mistakes occasionally.)
4. Having my allergies be suddenly better when I drive into Boston. (Apparently they prefer pollution to nature. This makes me sad.)
5. Going to a student group meeting before class: more knitting time, and free pizza.
6. Handing in my final written assignment of the semester!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Note that "sitting through class" did not make the list.)
It is raining. Which is good, because it means it is not snowing. And I love the sound of rain on our skylight here at work. But I do not love walking or driving in it, and I have to do both today.
I need more candles. I have decided that the great big jars are really not that good, because I get tired of the scents but feel I have to use them up before I can buy more. Right now I have way too many vanilla/buttercream/etc. type scents and not enough springy things.
I did get a hydrangea-scented candle for Easter, but it is in my SO's car along with all of my other Easter presents and candy. As a result, I have not had any Easter candy since Easter. And that just feels wrong.
School is not so much fun this semester. But four weeks from tomorrow, everything will be handed in, and I will have time to breathe again. Just in time to move.
I am greatly looking forward to decorating my new apartment, but I really wish the actual moving part could just happen in my sleep or something. At least I will have lots of time so it will not be so stressful. Theoretically.
I love packages. I am expecting one from Amazon and one from Adagio Teas. In preparation for my exciting new tea, I got this puppy creamer, as well as an infuser ball and a pretty scoop to measure out the tea. I got all these at Kitchenworks in Litchfield, CT, which I think is my new favorite store. Fun.
I wore a denim jacket this morning. Yes, I was a little chilly, and yes, I had gloves in the pockets just in case, but still. A denim jacket. Could it be?
There are birds singing. And it's almost pleasant outside. I don't dare say it.
Of course, I'm sure there will be at least one more big snowstorm. I'm enough of a New Englander to expect that. But. Still. Oh, so excited.
Note: This is, in fact, the semester from hell. My schoolwork for the semester will be done by May 1, at which point regular blogging will recommence. I'll do the best I can since then. Quick recent happenings digest:
1. I'm moving. In April. Or May. Something like that. I love the new apartment, and it's not so far away as to be traumatic.
2. I got my wisdom teeth out last Thursday. I'm recovering, but I'd give almost anything for the ability to eat real food.
3. After doing virtually nothing craft-related for a few weeks (I TOLD you this was the semester from hell), I'm knitting again. Socks. If you're good, maybe you'll get a picture for Easter. Yes, they are Easter socks. Unless I don't finish them, in which case they are spring socks.
(Sorry for the absence. This semester is crazy. I'll try to do better.)
I may be moving. I hadn't planned to move, really, but I just saw the best apartment EVER. I was just going along with my friend Cory, who is actively apartment-hunting, but we both loved it and are now seriously considering trying the roommate thing. So so so so excited.
The weather was gorgeous this weekend. It was calm and sunny. It was even in the fifties at times. I was so excited. I felt like I was finally getting warm, and perhaps even getting rid of this lingering cold/sore throat thing that has led me to eat practically nothing but milk, soft bread, pudding, yogurt, and soft serve ice cream for the past week or so.
But now . . . now it is, well, the other kind of gorgeous. The kind of gorgeous with wind and big huge snowflakes. Ah, well. Such is life in New England.
Really. If I had a few more hours in the weekend, I'd show you pictures of what I've been knitting, and I'd give you the two book reviews, one movie review, and the rant about intellectual elitism that I've been wanting to write. Aren't you sorry that's being postponed? Yeah, I knew you were.
I'm trying to get myself organized, because otherwise there's no way I'm going to survive this semester. I'm putting all my assignments in my planner and color coding them with highlighters. It's all very cute, but it's very very scary at the same time. Because I have to do all that stuff. Ack. Ack ack ack.
I fully understand the need to shovel my car out after a snowstorm. It is not fun, but I live in New Hampshire, so I expect such things. It's generally in the morning, so I have energy, theoretically, and I know to leave extra time for it. Again, annoying, but I'm okay with the concept.
I do NOT appreciate having to shovel for twenty minutes to get my car back INTO my parking space. Apparently my morning shoveling got me out fine but was incompatible with getting back in. This is especially not fun at 10:30 at night after an exhausting day and somewhat frustrating evening.
In brief:
I also do not appreciate the T (that's like the subway for you non-Boston folks) deciding not to go as far as my stop and not TELLING anyone.
My first day of class was good, but this class will be way more work than I anticipated.
It seems like a bad sign that I can't figure out when I'm going to find time to go buy the book I need for homework, nevermind read it.
It also seems like a bad sign that I am exhausted already on the first day of the semester, and half-wishing for a snow day tomorrow so I can catch up on some stuff.
Oh, and there was no post yesterday because I was out sick. And I figure I'm allowed a sick day from here once in a while too. This will not affect the write 1001 blog posts thing, since there are days when I post more than once.
As you may have heard, we're in the midst of a nice big snowstorm here in New Hampshire. And I am so set.
I have flashlights and candles. I have plenty of supplies for tea and cocoa. I have everything I need to bake whole wheat bread and make vegetable soup tomorrow. (And, yes, I have plenty of housework if I'm so inclined.) I have a new computer game. I have several books--well, no, I have several hundred books--but I have several books I'm particularly excited to read. I have plenty of movies to watch and a good dozen knitting projects I really want to finish soon.
And if all that weren't enough... I have five brand new knitting books. Count 'em, five. I joined Crafter's Choice and got my first shipment today. Here's the haul:
I think I'll be able to keep busy for a few days, don't you?
You'll have to excuse the short entry. Today is the birthday of the most wonderful, sweetest man in the world so I'm spending as much time as I can with him. I gave him this book and the promise of a day trip a month all year. We're having fun looking at the book and talking about where we want to go.
How about you? Where do you want to go this year?
I don't know what's with me today, but I'm not finding anything quite interesting enough to blog about. I'm in the middle of two longish books so have no books to review. I didn't really make any great strides on any craft projects today, although I did stitch, knit, and crochet, at least a little of each. I did some housework. My most exciting accomplishment this evening was figuring out a way to keep my yarn cabinet closed by tying the knobs together with a scrap of yarn. (My floor isn't exactly even, and so one of the doors tends to swing open and spill yarn all over the floor.) I cleaned the bathroom and clipped coupons. I really doubt anyone wants to read more about either of those.
So. I'm going to go eat a doughnut and read a book. I'll be back with a more interesting post tomorrow, I promise. And here's a nifty science story to tide you over.
Happy 2005! After an exciting (well, by my standards) party in Boston last night, here's how I started the morning:
(That was me at around 9:00. My boyfriend woke up earlier, and didn't want me to be lonely, so he made sure I had a friend. Apparently I took to it quite well.)
Things to expect around here in the next few days:
1. A semi-decent layout, maybe even with some color
2. New Year's goals (I'd rather set goals than make resolutions.)
3. Links and rings and all that happy bloggy stuff
4. Knitting pictures!
5. Kittens!
Now that I've given you that teaser, I'm going to go spend the rest of the evening with my family. Hope you're having a great New Year celebration!
This is really just a test post, but while I'm at it I might as well say Happy New Year's Eve to anyone who happens by! Watch this space--I have some exciting stuff planned for the new year.
